This position sucks any-which way you look at it. I have discussed divorce before and the bottom line is, you have to be at your rock bottom in order to put yourself through what can only be described as Hell. As I have also said, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
On the other hand, if there is an up side to the whole process, it's the fact that if you ever doubted the person you were, or maybe lived in a fog, lied to yourself, or just plain ignored what your heart was telling you, that all has to end when going through a divorce. Personally it was if I was waking up from a self-induced coma. There was a healing to finally facing the reality of my life and making the choice to do something about it.
I remember my counselor using the example of a voice inside of you, telling you what you don't necessarily want to hear. At first it comes in a whisper, then a normal tone, then a shout and then finally it's as if someone is screaming at you to make a change, to do something. When you finally do make that decision, your confirmation is that feeling of a thousand pounds being taken off your shoulders. You find peace.
My message to my sweet loved one and those affected is, it does feel like something wicked has come into your life. A dark cloud. But I promise you, the sun does shine again. Life is never perfect, heart ache never absent, but life is better, lighter, happier. Your heart free and available to love truly, maybe for first time.
Side Note: Today was totally hectic, running here and there, literally. Then tonight I went to Sage's band concert (Jerry was able to meet me at the school, get the boys and pick up Saxton from soccer so I could actually listen to her play.) Anyway, at one point the stars aligned and everyone was playing on key and in unison, allowing the music to lift you up. This is a perfect analogy to my post. Sometimes, you just have to deal with all the chaos in order to finally find a moment of perfect harmony.
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