Thursday, January 7, 2016

Power of Music

I've always had either songs or music as part of my little ones bedtime.  I believe in the power they have in helping to calm the spirit.  One of my favorite examples is how I listened to Andrea Bocelli when I was pregnant with Saxton and after she was born, his music would stop her from crying.  Now it's one of Max's favorites. 

I thought about this at clinical on Tuesday when one of the residents was riding up and down in his scooter listening to Reba.  Everyone really enjoyed it.

So Later, when I was talking to one of my patient's wife, I asked her what type of music her husband liked, as he was a stroke victim and couldn't verbalize well.  She said he liked classical, so I decided to play Max's bedtime playlist him and It was amazing how he responded. You could tell he loved it.  When Andrea Bocelli's Time To Say Goodbye started playing, it looked like he was mouthing the words.  His wife and a guest who was also visiting couldn't believe it.  It was like an awakening.

Later, during his trach care and suctioning, which aren't pleasant, I decided to play the playlist again and he seemed to tolerate the treatment better.   It's inspired me to try and bring more music into the healthcare setting and when possible, play it when I can for my patients.  After all, you never if it might be the magic tool that will help awaken the soul. 

Monday, January 4, 2016

Tough Going Today

It actually started a few days ago, that aching feeling when it's getting close to Savannah and Sam leaving.  My heart gets heavy and a knot settles in the back of my throat.  I try not to cry, but eventually mind over matter doesn't work anymore.  The hours feel like they're minutes and before I know it, it's time to say goodbye.  This morning Sam, my mom and I took one last hike.  As we turned to head back home, the emptiness settled in.  

Unfortunately circumstances today made the goodbye even harder and as I stood at the edge of the security line keeping me from two of my loves, the all too familiar heart wrenching feeling settled in.   The rest of the day I sort of felt numb, but as I landed tonight and the reality set in about the distance between us, I lost it all over again.  I just want my babies back.

Life sometimes becomes so hectic and our concerns become distorted by meaningless stresses. But for a few days and especially during particularly sweet moments, life made sense and my heart felt complete.  For now it's those memories I treasure and cling to as the rest of my world feels torn apart.  

I love you Savannah and Sam to the moon and stars and back.  
I miss you so much it hurts.
I wish you were here.