Wednesday, February 29, 2012

True to life resume

Today I was  trying to update my profile on  As I am trying to ponder what to write to sell myself, I couldn't quite find the words to describe, "mom wearing slippers, glasses and pjs with snot (Max's, not mine) all over her face and neck holding a baby while typing."  Maybe "great at multitasking"  or "conservative dresser" or how about "un-phased by bodily fluids."

For those of you who know me well I have been through a lot in the last year years.  I have gotten separated, divorced and re-married.  I have moved from one state to another where I hardly knew a soul.  I have attempted to adjust to the fact that two of my babies are across the country and I don't get to see them on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis.  I have learned to cherish phone calls instead of hugs and skype photos instead of actual ones.  Maybe I could put "great telecommuter" on my resume.

My Sage turned ten on February 22nd.  It's amazing to look at old photos and realize how fast time goes. As I look at Sage's baby pictures I feel a surge of different emotions, happiness and love and even a bit of sadness as I am hit with the fact of how fast life goes. The tiny little baby that I see in the pictures is now a young lady full of opinions, ideas and gumption.  When Sage was just a week old she almost died of RSV.  Her and I spent a week in the PI CU  and I learned what each machine was and what each stat meant. The nurses taught me how to break up mucus and give breathing treatments.  How about "health care giver" as a personal attribute. 

This past Sunday we took the littles to Great Wolf Lodge.  We spent the night and two days there and had a blast swimming, riding water-slides and exploring all the wonders of the hotel.   The older three entertained us by pointing their wands at creatures and making them talk.  Max was fascinated by the talking bear and live story time.  We spent a lot of time in the water juggling three kids and a baby who thinks he can swim.  I'll add, "lifeguard and swimming instructor" to my talents.

Last night I listened to Sam read me these sweet poems from his fourth grade class (He is now in 6th) while watching the girls practice basketball.  Everyone once in a while I had to shout a word of encouragement or remind them to square up when they shoot.  So "coach" and "literature critic" should probably be added to my resume as well.

This past weekend after we got home from our three basketball games in a row marathon, my little Max decided he wanted to practice shooting in his little tykes hoop in our family room.  He must have heard me yell "shoot" several dozen times while cheering on Saxton to her first basket ever, Sage to her 10 points and Brayden, that he picked up the word.  However "shoot" translated through the mouth of a 19 month old turns out to be "shit."  This was just to hilarious not to document so I got out my phone and recorded Max's new word.  Now I have officially earned the term, "videographer" to my long list of certifications.

Everyday I do laundry, the dishes and sweep the floor.  I run errands, drop off kids, pick up kids and feed the dog.  I clean and vacuum and work on my photos.  I even work from home for Garden Critters of New Mexico.  (I am really pushing the multi-tasking quality).  But what I realize is how do you explain this in a cover letter or what box do you check to describe the exact kind of work you do.  There isn't any way.  For some reason, "Stay-at-home-mom" isn't a choice, because often it is looked down upon, not up to. 

So for now I will just continue to be a "great communicator" to my 19 month old as I talk to him like an adult while I push the shopping cart around.  I will add "able to handle criticism" as those who don't know me continue to judge me in a negative light. 

I will allow the fact that I graduated from a University with an A average to be sidelined to the fact that I have over five years experience in "nursing," the breast kind, not the medical.  I will continue to ap"praise" my children's art work, instead of the several thousand dollars of art work I used to sell.  

I am proud of my job and if my qualities as a mother are not as important as my professional ones, then that is the loss of the company who chooses to look past my true to life resume.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

A smashed can can become an almost smooth peice of paper.

There is an analogy that really hit home with me and it can be told in a few different ways.  One is to imagine a perfect aluminum can, no creases, perfect.  Now smash that can, beat it up, make dents in it.  Finally, try and make that can perfect again, try and make it even close to how it was originally.  You can't.  Try the same thing with a perfect piece of paper. Crinkle it up, tear it, crinkle it up over and over.  Then try and make it perfect again, use tape or a book to try and make it flat again.  No matter how you try, that piece of paper will never be perfect.

Imagine that a person is that can or that piece of paper and imagine that every time some one says or does something mean to them it causes a crease or a dent.  No matter how hard you try to make that person perfect again, you can't.  No matter how hard you try to fix yourself and make yourself forget what has happened, you can't, not totally.

I was having some trouble dealing with the fact that I wasn't fixed from all that has happened and my counselor told me this story and Jerry told me the other version.  For some reason this was a comfort to me.  It took the pressure off to completely erase my past, it also gave me the inspiration to try and prevent these things from happening to those I love.

My brother is going through a rough time right now and it has sparked emotions that I had buried myself.  I was talking with my sister yesterday and we were discussing the challenge of fixing someone, of fixing yourself.  It is really hard.  You have to want it.  You have to also want to let go what has happened to you.  Just as important, you have to want to let go some of the pain those that have hurt you, have caused.  Because then I believe a miracle can happen, the dents and crinkles can magically disappear. 

Alot has happened since I last blogged.  First and foremost I got married.  On November 26th I married my best friend.  We had a perfect ceremony at the end of pier over the water.  Dresses and tuxes were replaced by sweatshirts and jeans.  Nature was our church and we were surrounded by love.  My brother in law preformed an amazing ceremony and in the end it was a perfect day.

We had a fabulous honeymoon that Jerry planned and it was a gift that he gave me that I will never forget.  We took a cruise to the Bahamas and I found something that I never thought I would, total and complete peace.  I had felt peace before but never to the point where every worry, every sadness disappeared.  It was only for a moment, but it was so wonderful and eye-opening to finally know it was possible.  I remember floating in the water and I truly believed that I had found heaven on earth.  I could feel God all around me and I knew that through everything I had been through he had never left.  He can't protect us from everything, but he can give us the tools to deal with them,.

The holidays came and went and were wonderful.  But my real Christmas present came when Savannah and Sam arrived on the 13th of January.  My heart is made complete when they are here.  We had a special visit and even got snow on our Christmas day. (We kept our tree up and had a second Christmas morning complete with a big breakfast and presents.)  My Savannah who is becoming quite the young lady was a little girl again for a few moments and my sweet Sam was quite the love bug.  I am a blessed momma to have such beautiful children. 

My late resolution is to get back to blogging.  It is a way for me to voice my crinkles and my dents and maybe help get rid of a few.  It's funny I was talking with a friend and he asked why I hadn't blogged in a while.  I told him that I compose plenty of blogs while lying in bed or taking a shower.  My thoughts flow like a broken dam in the silence of night but dry up in the reality of the day.  My Little's and laundry, dishes and basketball practice, cleaning and homework all help too, but I wouldn't change a thing.  I am blessed and I am slowly becoming an almost, but not quite smooth piece of paper.