This afternoon after getting off the phone with Sam I broke down and was very upset. I miss him and Savannah terribly and I was just feeling so sad. I had to take Sage and Saxton to soccer practice and just as we arrived the heavens opened up and it just started pouring. The girls ran to practice (rain or shine) and were excited to play in the rain. I sat in the car and sorted through the emotions I was feeling, almost searching for an answer. All of a sudden the sun started shining through the clouds and even as it was raining, the sun was shining. This seemed to realavant to what I was feeling. My life is exactly that, sun shining through the rain. Everyday that I am not with Savannah and Sam my heart aches.
I wrote a message on my facebook shortly after seeing the sun, almost a message that was whispered in my ear, "I'm always going to pray for miracles. I can't ever allow myself to lose faith and even more importantly, hope." I truly felt this. I remember last summer, when Savannah and I were wandering around this little store at the little market in Minnesota and we came across all these messages that spoke to us about prayer and miracles. I took this picture and everytime I look at it speaks to me in a new light. I had all my babies with me that day and I remember how wonderful it felt.
|"Hope in God"|
|"Have Faith all is well"|
Tonight when we got home the rain started up again, but again the sun continued to shine. I could almost hear, like a drum beat, God trying to tell me something. A few moments later Saxton called out and said there was a double rainbow in the front of the house. We all ran out and just looked at them, they were beautiful, one almost a perfect shadow of the other. Sage, Saxton and I called for Jerry and we showed him and Max these beautiful rainbows, that almost seemed like presents. The girls and I recalled how we used to see them frequently in Colorado and we would all go and look at them, including Savannah and Sam. I almost turned to call for them to come see too.
I'm listening God. I am not giving up hope. I will continue to pray for miracles. I only ask that you watch over my babies, and every night I am not with them, can you promise me that you will send an angel to kiss them good-night and whisper in their ear, momma loves you and always will.