9-11-01

I've thought all day about what to write about today.  9-11 has become a day to remember a truly terrible moment in our country's history and all those mercilessly killed.  The lasting effects will be felt forever.

I found my old journal of posts to a mom's board from the day after 9-11-01 and I want to share them:

Written 9/12//01
"I did not get on yesterday because of busy connections and then to keep lines open in our area... I watched in disbelief, sadness and anger yesterday.  I did not turn the tv off for over twelve hours... I finally had to make myself go to bed.  I cried many times during the day thinking of all of those lost and trapped and of their families and friends.  Those brave firemen and women as well as the police that were lost... God bless them.

I like many of you was so scared yesterday and still am today.  How could anyone do something so horrible and evil?  AS I sit here pregnant with a tiny baby, I worry what they will face.   Savannah asked why I was crying yesterday and I had a hard time trying to explain to her what happened.  She has no idea the danger that she, as well as all of us were in.  I could only pray that we get whoever did this before they attack again..."

I remember this well.  I was pregnant with Sage and had just moved to New Mexico and was living with my parents for a few weeks until our apartment was ready.  Savannah was three and Sam was 17 months.  The reality of how that day changed all of our lives is still fresh in all of our hearts today.  The immense effect of 9-11 has had an affect on so many, those that were killed during the initial attacks, those lost due to working at the site, troops lost who have been fighting over seas a battle that was waged after 9-11, then all the poor families left to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives.  Not to mention the innocence that was taken away from all those who experienced the scenes of the towers falling, planes crashing, people dying.  A true wake up call to an evil that many of us hadn't met until that day.

World Trade Center Site in NYC

Written 9/16/01
"...all those angels who lost their lives this week in this hell were just living their lives.  Working for their families, doing business, vacationing, visiting friends, families... innocent people taken from a human form of the devil.  He has me feeling an anger, as do all of those people trying to hurt us, that I have never felt before.  My blood truly boiled when I heard they were taking people into custody who were possibly making other attempts.  How could they look at the devastation they caused , the heartbreak and even fathom doing more?  I saw that clip on the father looking for his daughter and he said he would do anything to hear her holler at him again, as he broke down into sobs..."

9-11 Memorial

9-11 Memorial

I came to believe back then and I still hold true to this belief today, that we can't let them win.  I remember writing God Bless the USA with my mom across the cinder block wall behind my parent's house in side walk chalk.  My mom and I also stood on a street corner and handed out red, white and blue ribbons to passing cars.  At first we did it to just show support, but people starting giving us donations without us even asking.  We ended up giving all our donations to a local bank that was sending money onto New York to families who had lost a loved one.  When we headed out that day, we didn't have a set plan, we just had to do something!  Like many, we couldn't just sit idly by and feel defeated and heartbroken.  I know that many people across the country did similar acts, many wanted to help, donate, pledge their support for NYC, DC and our entire country.  That part was inspiring and the only way for us to show all those who were in mourning that their loved one had not been lost in vain.  That we wouldn't forget and we would spread beauty and love in their memory.

Cemetery at St. Paul's Chapel of Trinity Church in NYC with World Trade Center Site in the distance.

Today 9-11-01 feels like yesterday, the emotions and images burned into my mind and heart forever.  When I rocked Max tonight and sang him lullabies I was grateful that he wasn't here when 9-11 happened, hopeful that slowly things are getting better and that he won't ever have to witness such wicked acts.  Sadly I know I am being naive.  I know better.  I know what atrocities are still happening all over the world and will continue to happen until we truly are able to find world peace.  Maybe that peace will be found in Max's lifetime, I know I will do my best to encourage him to fight for it.

Side Note:  I took these photographs while paying my respects in NYC in 2009.