There goes my heart.

I don't know if I knew what true heartache was until I had my children. The feeling I have right now as I sit and stare at a plane that carries two pieces of my heart must be heartbreak. I bite my lip and blink back tears, feeling pain in my chest and in my heart. I hate this part, after the good-byes (they were quick today, the steward took the girls right away), when I have to wait for the plane to take off. I know these beautiful little people, my joys, are on that plane, but I can't get to them. I always imagine breaking through the door and running to them, holding tight and not letting go. I wonder if the gate attendant would think I was crazy if I asked him to tell them, "mom loves you," one more time. I know I'll see them soon and God willing, I'll see Savannah and Sam a week from today. But right now it just hurts and makes me hate the fact that my family is split up. Divorce sucks. Split parenting sucks. I never imagined how hard this would be, these heart wrenching goodbyes at an airport. I still remember hugging (clinging for dear life might be more accurate) Savannah and Sam this summer, I just didn't want to let go. I don't think I will ever get used to watching my babies walk away. I know my heart will ever accept their leaving. So right now I let the tears fall and just pray to God and all the angels in heaven to keep each and everyone of my babies safe. I watch your plane leave the gate and I just feel so lost. Please know my loves... I love you. I miss you. I can't wait to hold you again soon! Love, momma.