The tragedy in Newtown Connecticut adds to my changing perspective on life and heartbreak.

The line to pick up our babies was a little longer today at school. I am sure many parents were like me,  watching the clock until it was finally time to pick up and maybe even called to request it today vs the bus.  As I pulled up, there stood two of my loves, wearing Christmas themed headbands and smiles on their faces.  I felt so lucky, so grateful at that moment.

Today I have heard many opinions, thoughts and perspectives on what happened today.  It really started to hit home for me when I watched our President lose his words and wipe tears from his eyes and finally say;  "Our hearts are broken today...The majority of those who died were children-beautiful, little kids... "  The words, "Unimaginable," "Horrendous," "Heartbreaking" and "Unbelievable" don't even begin to describe the actions of such a sick, sick person.  I can't even begin to try and comprehend how such a thing could happen, let alone why.  All I can do is pray like crazy for the families of those little angels and that nothing like this ever happens again.

These last few weeks have brought me to a new perspective on life.  Going to the funeral for the baby lost and watching two parents hearts break right in front of my eyes, really brought home the fact that life is so fragile and precious.  Over the last few months I have also been brought to light about the horrors of Childhood Cancer.  Through the words of Ronan's mom, and her blog posts I have begun to hug my littles a little tighter and not think twice about that "one last song" Max requests at bedtime.  

Did you know that 7 children will die today of Cancer and 46 will be diagnosed.  I don't say this to be depressing, but to bring such facts to the forefront.  Last night I received one of Maya's (Ronan's Mom) blog posts where she told us of another little one lost, Teddy Berger-Greer.  My husband questioned why I read about such things before bed.  (He has really taken the loss of the baby hard.) I told him I want to give life to these little ones by knowing of their existence, by holding the images of their smiles in my heart and by doing what I can so that their deaths are not in vain.  

This week the flu came through our house and I was one of it's victims.  I became sick in the early morning Wednesday and sadly watched Jerry leave for work (He was short staffed and Christmas time is his busiest at work).  Being sick with a two year old is never easy, especially when you have the stomach flu.  As we watched Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse for the umpteenth time and Max made a trampoline out of me, I actually said a thankful prayer that Max was better and that all I had was the flu.  I knew it could be so much worse and that in a few days we all would be better and life would go on and I knew that others were not as lucky.  

Tonight I imagine many of us will say a prayer for all those mourning the loss of a loved one.  We will hug our babies a little tighter and not let them go quite as quick.  I know for me I am already feeling sad because I have to say good-bye to my Sage and Saxton next Tuesday as they fly across the country to see their dad.  This will be our first Christmas apart and even as I type the tears begin to fall.  I remind myself that I will get to see Savannah and Sam on Christmas night and  that on January  2nd we will all be together again.  I remind myself that I am so very lucky to still have them in my life and that my good-byes are not forever.  I remind myself it could be worse.  Then I make myself another promise to put everything in perspective and to not let the loss of these angels be for nothing.  I promise in memory of them to love a little harder and try a little more to be a better person, a better friend and a better mom.  

My prayers and thoughts with all those in Connecticut, with the family of little Teddy and all who have lost someone to the horrible evil called Cancer.  I look up to the heavens and know that God is sadly welcoming some new little angels tonight.   

Footprints Prayer

Footprints in the Sand

One night I had a dream...
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and
Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;
One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before us,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
There was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life
This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
You would walk with me all the way;
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
There is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why in times when I
needed you the most, you should leave me.
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious
child. I love you, and I would never,
never leave you during your times of
trial and suffering.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."*
                                                         ~~~~~~

*This poem is not my own.