What if?

How often in your life have you asked the question, "what if?"   I know I have asked it hundreds, if not thousands of times, and yesterday was one of those times.   Yesterday was meant to be a slow day. After Max's birthday Friday and Saxton's on Monday and having just gotten back from my in-laws for two weeks I needed a day to just do laundry, clean and catch up on things at home.  The kids had just went outside to play and walk Puppy and Max and I were upstairs sorting, folding and putting away laundry.  He was my little helper, following me from room to room.  I remember I was going to start a white load and for some reason I decided to put away some of the girls hanging shirts first.  One minute I was just finishing the last of their shirts, the next Max fell.  I was facing the closet and he was playing with their animals by their bed.   One second I was turning around because I heard him on their bunk bed ladder and the next he was falling or stepping, I couldn't quite tell onto the floor from the bottom of the ladder.  The ironic thing is he even fell on a bed pillow, but somehow maybe the pillow or the awkward way he stepped caused him to turn his left leg funny and that was it.

I ran to him, he was crying and I knew from the tone of his cry that something was wrong.  I hugged him, picked him up, he didn't stop crying.  That was when I started freaking out.  First I called Jerry and told him I was bringing Max to the Doctor's office, I wasn't sure what was wrong but I knew he was hurt.  I was crying and I just wanted him there. I put Max in the car and called for the kids.  Jerry left work and met us there and truly was a sight for sore eyes.


The rest of the day was a blur of driving from the Doctors office (he set his leg in a temporary cast) to the x-ray lab, back to the doctor and then on to another Doctor's office in Tacoma and then finally 

Waiting in the hospital to be casted.

finding ourselves in Mary Bridge Children's Hospital ER.  Minutes felt like hours as we waited at each place.  The whole day was long and agonizing and very emotional, just when I would think I was out of tears, they would well up again.  Seeing my baby in such pain was just too much at times.  I wished I could do anything to take it all away, I wished a million times to be able to rewind just a few minutes and do something else, anything else so that he wouldn't have hurt himself. 


It wasn't long before the "what ifs" started.  What if I had started that white load, what if I had hung the shirts faster, what if I had went and ate breakfast instead? After all, it was after ten and I had already put it off all morning.  What if I had made any other choice than to hang up the girls shirts?  I would begin this game in my mind, then out loud and the tears would start.  Jerry was absolutely wonderful and would step in and save me from myself.  My other saving grace was the staff, they would all rattle off stories of their own children's falls, etc and how random accidents just happen, they just do.  We heard stories of other femur fractures happening from a simple fall off a couch or tripping on a toy on the floor, the truth was that toddlers just don't have that strong of bones yet and they are prone to breaks like this.  If Max was just a few years older he could have been fine.

Still asleep after getting
his leg set in a cast.

Yes, one of the blessings of the whole day was most defiantly the staff. At every place we had to visit,  everyone was wonderful and very sweet to Max, Jerry and I.  The x-ray staff hugged us after they realized we saw the break on the screen and we had both become unglued.  All of the nurses and support staff were great!  Our pediatrician was awesome, he called ahead for us and because he knew the Orthopedic well, he got him to come in on his day off and take care of Max.  We have since found out that the Orthopedic  is one of the best in the state.  He was funny and joked while he set Max's leg and explained every step to us.  I have always been interested in medicine and science and it made me feel better to know what was happening with Max and to him.  He even printed out a picture of his set bone for us to take home.  

Home after the hospital. 

Another blessing was our babysitter Kate who came and picked up Sage, Saxton and Brayden from us before we went to the hospital. (Sage didn't want to leave Max, she was so sad to see him hurt.) Kate stayed with them all day until we got home.  Our neighbors also stepped in with emotional support and vehicle support (they drove and picked up Jerry's truck for us so that neither of us had to leave Max.)  Not to mention all the support on Facebook, via texts and phone calls.  Thank you every one!  Thank you!  Thank you!  You have lessened the tears and even brought smiles.


Today I thought about the gates at the top and the bottom of the stairs, putting the ladder up in Brayden's

Chilling in his wagon.  He was so relaxed
and happy to be outside.

As Jerry often says, "it is what it is."  This is true and today I had to turn from the what ifs to what now.  We had a rough night, but a better day today.  He is still in a lot of pain and we have to make sure to elevate his foot to keep down the swelling.  Thankfully Jerry was able to stay home and we took turns caring for and carrying Max.  The kids have all been very sweet and very concerned which warms my heart.  We hadn't gotten a present for Max yet and settled on a very practical one, a wagon, which Jerry picked up from Target.  We actually took him for a walk and he was able to ride in his new wagon this evening and he seemed very content.  He even chatted with the several neighbors who stopped us to love on Max.

It is going to be a long haul, possibly six weeks or more in his cast which goes from his chest down the full length of his broken leg and halfway down the other leg.  There is a small opening where we can just fit a newborn size diaper and then we put a larger one around it.  It is almost like having a newborn again, not just because of the tiny diapers we use, but how immobile and dependent he is on us to move him, prop him up, feed him and basically make him as comfortable as possible, pillows are our friends! 

What if?  A question we will never know the answer to.  One of the doctors said, what if he had fallen from the top and fell on his head?  She said this with passion as she tried to talk me out of my tears.  It's true, things could always be worse.  I'm grateful that as she also said, this is fixable.  Life has thrown me many curves and this is just another one, it just is always heartbreaking when the curve includes a hurt little one.  I have to remember that I have to quiet the "what ifs," and just have faith that God is watching over us and that Max will make a full recovery.  Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers, we really do appreciate them.