I am a music person. This might be a cliche' phrase, but I truly live by the soundtrack of all kinds of music. I run to it, bike, do laundry, work in the yard, paint benches, pack, move and unpack to music. I started all of my little ones young, Savannah being the first, with all kinds of music. For example I used to dance with her to DMB during the evening when she was fussy. When I was pregnant with Saxton, I frequently listened to , Time to Say Goodbye, by Andrea Bocelli (which is probably one of my top five favorite songs of all time.) After she was born, if she got fussy in the car, I would blast it and she'd quiet right down. I remember once while we lived in Albuquerque, blaring it in grocery parking lot because she was fussing and I was trying to get Sage, Sam and Savannah in the van (at one point I had four in carseats) and the groceries loaded up. People were driving by giving me strange looks, but I didn't care, music was saving my sanity.
I actually found Pandora while I was a student at Colorado State. I would put on classical and listen to it on my library days (Mon, Wed, Friday I would spend the entire day studying/researching while the kids were in school.) I swear I should give the station credit for my grades and degree, after how much the music helped me to relax, concentrate and block out all distractions.
One of my favorite things about it is that I never know what song is going to come next. It may be a Dave song from a decade ago, or something new that I haven't heard yet (often I hear songs on Pandora even before they hit the radio, sometimes months in advance.) However, at times this experience can be bittersweet. Songs are similar to photographs for me and often carry a memory with them. They often transport me back to certain times in my life wether I want to go there or not. I remember my counselor telling me once that memories and hurt from the past can be likened to bus stops on a regular route. You may choose not to get off, but eventually you will circle back around again and the same "stop" will be waiting for you. I still haven't quite mastered dealing with this concept, i'll let you know when I do.
As I approach the anniversary of a series of pinnacle moments in my life, I am back to many of those stops on a particularly painful route. This morning a song stopped me dead in my tracks (I was working, typing orders on my computer). It reminded me that I need to get off and confront some demons that I have been avoiding. You might think that I see certain music as a negative for reminding me of such things. Instead, I view it as a positive example that no matter what painful things you might have dealt with in the past, you are always offered a second chance to make the next memory beautiful. Ironically, as I finish typing this, Dave Matthews' "Baby" is playing and it think his lyrics are strangely appropriate to end this blog...
Nothing is here to stay
Everything has to begin and end
A ship in a bottle won't sail
All we can do is dream that the
wind will blow us
across the water
A ship in a bottle set sail
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