Today when we were leaving Max, (who stayed home with Grandma and Papa while I took the kids to the airport) was crying and saying "owwee mommy" over and over. I believe he thought I was leaving again (I was gone for a week at my sister's wedding.) He was so sad and while nothing or no one was hurting him, I believe his heart hurt, like mine does right now.
They say having a baby changes everything. They're so right. You're heart changes and you're inner soul finds a love that never existed before. You find a love that overcomes all, overshadows all, forgives all, no matter what. You find unconditional love.
Last night I fell asleep with Savannah, not because I love her more than Sam, but because she was in a queen bed and he was in a top bunk that couldn't handle us both. (Smile) I was just so upset at their leaving that I wanted to be close to at least one of them. I tossed and turned all night, and at one point she grabbed my hand, similar to a newborn grabbing your finger. Just thinking about it brings fresh tears. I love her and all her siblings so much.
There are all kinds of broken hearts, but I think this kind hurts the worse. I wouldn't wish this hurt on anyone and right now there is nothing I can do to fix it. So just know my sweet babies, that momma loves you and misses you and will pray everyday for you to be back in my arms again. Until then, I love you to the moon and stars, moon and stars... And back.
And God, a prayer for you, please keep all my babies safe, when I am unable to and spread them with love today and forever!
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