Feels like home to me.

Friday, as I was driving to Chamber's Bay I realized how my whole body began to relax at the idea of being near the water.  I smiled as Puppy sat up and began to look out the window in excitement. We parked and I got Max all settled in his pack on my back and we headed down the hill towards the water.  Being there felt like coming home.  Somewhere along the way I had taken ownership of this place and it has become a little niche in the world that I fit into perfectly.

I have always loved the water, especially the ocean.  There is something about being on the shore at the point where the land meets the sea.  I love knowing that I have come as far as I can, I have reached the end of the road.  For over three decades, I had struggled and searched, feeling lost and out of place.  So it is an amazing feeling to have finally found a place where I am able to finally feel peace.

Years ago my father and I were taking  a walk in New Mexico along the Bosque that runs parallel to the Rio Grande.  It is one of those memories I hold onto so that I don't completely lose him (he hasn't spoken to my siblings or I in over three years.)  We were talking about the feeling of wandering and he told me that it is the Irish heritage in me that makes me wonder what is over the next hill, that encourages me to explore.  I believe this quality has given me the courage to search for a place to call home and I have faith that I have finally found it. 

Home for me is the sea.  My heart opens up, my worries fade away and a calmness overcomes me.  I remember one day during our honeymoon, Jerry and I were at Half Moon Cay in the Bahamas.  We spent the whole day in the water and at one point, I swear I was so relaxed while floating, that I actually began to sleep.  It was as if my soul had been searching for this place my whole life and had finally found it, finally found true peace.  

I have thought a lot about this experience, even felt guilty that it was such a solitary one.  I am a mother, a wife and my children, husband and family are where I draw my happiness from.  However, this was different, this was my inner soul, the part that needs to be still, at peace and nurtured in order for my heart to be whole.  Floating out in the middle of the Caribbean sea, is where I was finally able to begin to heal, almost like magic, scars that had formed as a result of years of pain and heartache began to disappear ever so slightly.  I remember feeling the urge to do something crazy, and I decided to swim in my birthday suit.  We had walked quite a ways down the beach (which was private anyway) and there was no one around.  I was free figuratively and literally!  If you have never done this, it is an experience that everyone should have at some point in their life.

 

Life is hectic, we are constantly on the go almost as if someone is pushing us here and there and not allowing us to stop.  I believe it is important for us to have a place that gives us the illusion that time is standing still, where we feel content and at peace.  If you haven't found your little spot of heaven, I am encouraging you to do so.