Mommyhood, Judgement and Milestones.

For those of you who know me well know that I can jump from one subject to the next in seconds flat.  Sometimes it is easy to get lost on my conversation trail.  As I thought about what to write about today, my thoughts jumped as well.  So I thought I would just discuss them all.  Some subjects are quite a bit more deep then others.  So read on if you get too depressed... I get a little lighter. :)

To start today is my older son Sam's 11th birthday.  The hardest part of this day is not physically being with Sam.  But I was able to catch him before school to say (and sing) Happy Birthday.  That phone call was interesting because I was forced to call my ex's cell phone (they, like many of us don't have a home phone)  and Savannah was long gone to school (Savannah and Sam share a cell phone:  this is a whole other topic... I swore the kids would never have a cell phone until they could pay for it, then I moved several states away and that all changed).  Anyway, he (my ex) said, "here is Sam, and you are on speaker phone." Nice.  Well hopefully he enjoyed my 7 a.m. rendition of happy birthday with my more than gorgeous raspy morning voice.  All that matters is that Sam did.  I love you buddy!!!

Which leads me to another topic, judgement.  I know that people have questioned or judge my choice to live as I do, with the kids living in two different states.  I couldn't imagine it any other way for the sole reason that my ex and I can not live peacefully in the same state at this point.  (Ideally I would love to have all four of them live with me, but that is not the current agreement.)  For me what is worse, hearing your parents fight in the middle of the night and then having your mom sleep on the neighbor's basement couch (Thanks again Liz and Brad!) or having my current alternative, a consistently peaceful, respectful house.  One thing I really want to explore over time via this blog and therapy is how I have grown upon moving away and how I have become a better, healthier, happier mom.  In my previous life, before my divorce, I became a shell of myself.  I was in a self-imposed coma in order to deal with the disaster that my life had become.  I lived in a beautiful home, but it felt like a prison at times.  It was awful.  And if I was no good to myself, how could I be any good to my children?  I love my kids.  I live for them.  When the four older kids were little I was either at home or at school and then later at work.  If I went out when Savannah was a baby, I took her with.  And now I am really getting on a tangent... bottom line, please don't judge until you have all the facts... and there are a lot of them.  Hundreds!

Okay, so now for the promised lighter side...

Mommyhood.  Bathing suits.  Ha! The two don't always go hand in hand.  I went to try some on today. Ha!  I currently wear a faded black hand me down top with a six year old random printed bottom.  Sexy.  But who cares?  I know that they babies and mommies in the Shrimp swimming class don't care.  They didn't even comment when my previous suit was so stretched out it hung down my ass like I had a load in my pants.  NOT SEXY!  It was hard but I finally threw it away. (I have an issue with getting rid of oldies but even not so goodies... I still have a few shirts from my IU days... over 15 years ago!) So again, babbling, bottom line (no pun intended) I need a new suit.  Did I buy one? No.  Money is tight as it is and I couldn't bring myself to spend money on something that I looked HORRIBLE in!  I'll stick with my hand me downs for now, or until I find a miracle suit that makes my flabby belly and post pregnant butt look gorgeous.

Milestones.  Simply put, Max can kick on demand in swim class.  Yeah!  Can he crawl, he's trying.  Is he talking, no.  Is he down with the new elimination something or other... no, but I do admit I tried putting him on the toilet when I thought he had to poopie... he didn't.  I'm not knocking the elimation dealy, really, potty trained at four months... fabulous.  Max just isn't having it.  Again, off subject...
So today Max kicked in swim class when I said kick!  Even the teacher in training was impressed.  My kids are smart and wonderful, but never early at achieving anything.  Savannah didn't talk until she was three (but she is in a honor school: yes I am tooting her horn) and Sage can run like the wind, but she didn't walk until she was 16 months.  So this was exciting for me.  It was the last day of our second four week session of swim SHRIMP class and I proudly grinned as Max kicked his little legs!  And now he is on the floor chewing his favorite toy, the strings on a hooded sweatshirt.  Sage moved up in her gymnastics level, which led to a sad Saxton who did not.  I reminded Saxton that I was beat out during a gymnastics competition by my sister who was four year younger.  Talk about humiliation.  I reminded Saxton of that and the fact that she was younger then Sage... both facts made her feel better.  She was all smiles again.  And Brayden learned to tie his shoes!  I showed him in the morning and later in the day he showed me that he could do it all by himself.  This was special for me.  I missed his first steps, his first tooth and many other firsts in the years I didn't know him.  So to be apart of this first was exciting!

Well gotta go... I have to get in my taxi and do another run to school!