Pregnancy Pre-Parenting and how Love ultimately wins over.

My baby sister Colleen and her husband Jed are just a little over a month away from the birth of their first child, they are expecting a little girl.   They were out of town working on Jed’s family’s ranch, so I was only able to spend a few days with them during my October visit to New Mexico.  But the day Max and I left, we went with Colleen to Target to give her some ideas on what to register for, it meant a lot to me to be able to get a little bit of time with her during the most amazing time of her life, her first pregnancy  As I looked around and took in all the baby inventory, I realized that I could give her opinions on what she’ll need for the baby, but what she had needed most, or maybe not, was a little sisterly advice. 

Earlier in the day, Colleen, her husband, Max and I went to get some breakfast burritos from Blakes Lotaburger, they are by far the best in town!   While we were driving and chatting, I was handing out my two cents on being a new parent.  I tried to not be overwhelming and reminded them to just take all the advice they get with a grain of salt, because the truth is, ultimately they will have to figure most of it out on their own. 

One example I did give (in much less detail than I’m about to give you), went back to when I was pregnant with Savannah, who is my first.  My Ex and I were just a few weeks away from her delivery and were on our way home from our birthing class.  We lived in Chicago at the time and the drive from Lake Forest (where I had her) to our apartment was quite long.  Anyway, I don’t remember how it came up, but somehow a discussion began about where Savannah would sleep after she was born.  Our chat soon turned to an argument as he informed me that she was going to sleep in her own bed in our second bedroom/office when she was a week old.  I started to cry, the idea of my baby sleeping in an office all by herself was just too much for me.  After all, she was used to being with her momma.  When we got back to our apartment I went out to this gazebo and just cried.  I couldn’t imagine myself being separated from her.  I tabled the discussion and hoped that my Ex would change his mind, although he was insistent he wouldn’t. 

On May 5^th, after getting pulled over by the police twice as we raced to the hospital, our first child and first daughter was born bright and early and full of sunshine.  I will never forget the love that flooded me and to this day the thought of her birth still brings tears of happiness to my eyes.  Our lives would never be the same. 

I remember the day we brought her home, I was anxious at the idea that I was responsible for this tiny little person and terrified that I wouldn’t do a good job being her mother.  She was perfect and immediately the best thing that had ever happened to me, I was head of heels in love.

As I was leaving, one of the nurses gave me her direct line and told me to call her if I had any issues, I took the number gratefully.  Several sleepless nights later I took her up on her promise.  Savannah wasn’t sleeping in her bed (a pack-n-play set up in our room.)  She’d nurse and fall asleep, but as soon as I’d move her, she’d wake up and start screaming.   I told the nurse that I was exhausted, but to hear her cry was heart wrenching.  Then she taught me the best trick ever, side lying nursing (see link.)  She instructed me how to lay down, my arm in such a way to prevent me from rolling on her and breastfeed her. (One bit of advice is to put a changing pad under both of you to catch breast milk.  This way you don't have to change all your sheets or sleep in a wet spot.)   

Anyway, I tried it as we were on the phone and it worked!  It was a miracle and from that point on, both of us slept peacefully, nestled together like two pieces of a puzzle.   Needless to say the whole apartment slept better and several weeks later she wasn’t sleeping in the other room, but right beside me.  By the time she was about three months and sleeping longer stretches, she moved to her porta crib, still located in our room.  When she was about five months old we moved into a house, it was only then that she did sleep part of her night in a crib in her very own room.

The lesson from this story is that until that baby is in your arms; don’t set your parenting rules in stone.  Flexibility is a must.  It’ll save you and your partner a lot of grief.  You’ll never love anything like your children, you just won’t.  Even to this day when my now not-so-little-ones leave to fly to their dad’s, I feel that same panic, heartbreak and sadness that I felt that day out in the gazebo.  I guess that would be another lesson that I will preach over and over again, no matter how old they are, your babies are always your babies.  

My "little" Savannah now.