Beautifully Sad Secrets

What is the conversation between two broken souls?

Even if we heard every word,

the meaning would still be illusive.*

I have been missing from writing, but not do to lack of life moments.  When I fall off the writing wagon I get frustrated with myself.  Especially when things are happening that I want to hold onto with words.  Since I last wrote, my husband and I shared a quiet, yet sweet Christmas Eve with family and friends and our littlest Max.  Christmas morning was bittersweet because it lacked our five oldest, yet was filled with the magic of Santa Claus.  Max didn't quite understand at first that all the presents were his, and insisted on distributing them to his siblings and us.  This warmed our hearts that he wanted to do such a thing.  My husband and I stole away Christmas night to Vegas for a few days, putting Christmas on hold until the twenty ninth when we were able to have all six of our babies under one roof.   The "quiet" time together was wonderful. 

Wild Waves December 30th 2013

The visit with all of the littles was like medicine to the soul.  The ability to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight was probably my favorite of all.  It allowed me to quietly let them know how very much they mean to me and how desperately I miss them when they are gone.  We had a blast at Wild Waves, our New Year's Eve Blast and in Seattle (a few times).  Just hearing all their voices through the house was like heaven.  I was blessed by mother nature and was able to keep Savannah and Sam three extra days.  We took advantage of this (and grandma and papa's kindness to keep Max) and took another day trip into the city.  I called it a photography adventure, where I captured my two oldest at a variety of locations.  At the end of the day we got caught in a monsoon and as we ran through the rain, I'm sure all of Seattle could hear us laughing and screaming.  I loved it.

Just before we went home, we stopped at a pier and I captured a few more photos.  They are of Savannah, the city and the waterfront.  Seattle has won my heart and become the home I have searched much of my life for.  To capture my first born in my beloved hometown was priceless.

*I love the picture of Savannah and Sam under the umbrella.  It portrays my life perfectly.  The umbrella is in focus and represents the happiness in my life that I share openly... my babies, my husband, my family and friends, my wonderful home and my beloved Seahawks (who won the Super Bowl in case you didn't know.) However the unfocused portion is how my quote under the photograph came to me while looking at it for the first time.  It might be a photo you'd erase because it's out of focus, but it's meant to be that way.  We're not meant to see the emotion, hear the conversation that is going on.  The nighttime tears that are shed and the desperate truths that are told.  It's a secret that is carried by those who have felt true heartache and even truer love.  I've poured out my heart here many times trying to express the feeling of being away from my babies, but ultimately it is so deep, so intense, so personal, that I'll never be able to clearly explain it.  And maybe that's okay, maybe that's the way it's meant to be.