My baby sister Colleen and her husband Jed are just a little
over a month away from the birth of their first child, they are expecting a
little girl.
They were out of town working on Jed’s
family’s ranch, so I was only able to spend a few days
with them during my October visit to New Mexico.
But the day Max and I left, we went with Colleen to
Target to give her
some ideas on what to register for, it
meant a lot to
me to be able to get a little bit of time with her during the most amazing time of
her life, her first pregnancy As
I looked around and took in all the baby inventory, I realized that I could
give her opinions on what she’ll need for the baby, but what she had needed most, or maybe not, was a little sisterly advice.
Earlier in the day, Colleen, her husband, Max and I went to
get some breakfast burritos from
Blakes Lotaburger, they are by far the best
in town!
While we were driving and
chatting, I was handing out my two cents on being a new parent.
I tried to not be overwhelming and reminded
them to just take all the advice they get with a grain of salt, because the
truth is, ultimately they will have to figure most of it out on their own.
One example I did give (in much less detail than I’m about
to give you), went back to when I was pregnant with Savannah, who is my first. My Ex and I were just a few weeks away from
her delivery and were on our way home from our birthing class. We lived in Chicago at the time and the drive
from Lake Forest (where I had her) to our apartment was quite long. Anyway, I don’t remember how it came up, but
somehow a discussion began about where Savannah would sleep after she was
born. Our chat soon turned to an
argument as he informed me that she was going to sleep in her own bed in our
second bedroom/office when she was a week old.
I started to cry, the idea of my baby sleeping in an office all by
herself was just too much for me. After
all, she was used to being with her momma.
When we got back to our apartment I went out to this gazebo and just
cried. I couldn’t imagine myself being
separated from her. I tabled the
discussion and hoped that my Ex would change his mind, although he was
insistent he wouldn’t.
On May 5th, after getting pulled over by the
police twice as we raced to the hospital, our first child and first daughter
was born bright and early and full of sunshine.
I will never forget the love that flooded me and to this day the thought
of her birth still brings tears of happiness to my eyes. Our lives would never be the same.
I remember the day we brought her home, I was anxious at the
idea that I was responsible for this tiny little person and terrified that I
wouldn’t do a good job being her mother.
She was perfect and immediately the best thing that had ever happened to
me, I was head of heels in love.
As I was leaving, one of the nurses gave me her direct line
and told me to call her if I had any issues, I took the number gratefully. Several sleepless nights later I
took her up on her promise.
Savannah
wasn’t sleeping in her bed (a pack-n-play set up in our room.)
She’d nurse and fall asleep, but as soon as
I’d move her, she’d wake up and start screaming.
I told the nurse that I was exhausted, but
to hear her cry was heart wrenching.
Then she taught me the best trick ever,
side lying nursing (see
link.
) She instructed me how to lay down, my arm in
such a way to prevent me from rolling on her and breastfeed her.
(One bit of advice is to put a changing
pad under both of you to catch breast milk. This way you don't have to
change all your sheets or sleep in a wet spot.)
Anyway, I tried it as we were on the phone and it
worked! It was a miracle and from that
point on, both of us slept peacefully, nestled together like two pieces of a
puzzle. Needless to say the whole
apartment slept better and several weeks later she wasn’t sleeping in the other
room, but right beside me. By the time
she was about three months and sleeping longer stretches, she moved to her
porta crib, still located in our room.
When she was about five months old we moved into a house, it was only then that she did
sleep part of her night in a crib in her very own room.
The lesson from this story is that until that baby is in
your arms; don’t set your parenting rules in stone. Flexibility is a must. It’ll save you and your partner a lot of grief. You’ll never love anything like your
children, you just won’t. Even to this
day when my now not-so-little-ones leave to fly to their dad’s, I feel that same
panic, heartbreak and sadness that I felt that day out in
the gazebo. I guess that would be
another lesson that I will preach over and over again, no matter how old they
are, your babies are always your babies.
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| My "little" Savannah now. |
