You are beautiful inside and out!

Despite many people thinking otherwise, I wasn't surprised, but instead truly grateful to find out my first baby was going to be a little girl.  It was January 1998 and my Ex and I were in Indianapolis having our first ultrasound.  Shortly after the tech gave us the good news, she saw something that obviously upset her.  She sent us to the waiting room and even though we thought we were done, we were called back for the Doctor to have another look.  With a long face, the doctor informed us that my cervix might already be shortening and I might go into premature labor.  I was only 21 weeks or so and it was way too early.


I remember going home in tears with a heavy heart and an appointment the next day at the hospital for a high definition ultra sound.  Never will I forget the sick feeling in my stomach and the worry that enveloped me that I might lose my baby.  After all, my prayers had been answered and she was otherwise healthy and beautiful.


The next day I drove by myself to the hospital and after getting undressed, had to lay in this huge, cold room.  I remember how sterile it seemed and how scared I felt.  However, just minutes later the new tech informed me that there must have been some mistake, that everything looked fine and that my tiny one would be okay.  I cried again, but this time they were tears of joy.  I smiled the whole way home.

Now she is almost grown, a beautiful fifteen year old with a sunshine smile that could light up even the darkest room.  I can't imagine my life without her.  She has been my little co-pilot, riding along a sometimes very treacherous journey with me.  She's this gorgeous sprite and I often can't believe that she is mine.  How could I be so lucky to have created something so spectacular, a true gift from God.



Life is hard, growing up is never easy.  The judgement that we sometimes inflict on ourselves is often ten times worse than what anyone else could do.  As a parent, if I can give anything to my children, it would be the knowledge that they are all perfectly made and special because of their individual gifts, personalities and beauty.  You can always compare yourself to others, tell yourself that they are prettier than you, smarter than you, ect... That's not allowed, because they are not you, never could they be you, nor give to the world all the sparkle that only you can give, the love only you can show.  You are a treasure.

 

My little Savannah, you have no idea how wonderful you are, how I miss you when you are gone and pray everyday for your brightness to return.  You are beautiful, inside and out.  I love you to the moon and stars and back!