Missing my babies.

I remember when savannah was a baby she loved to sleep on my chest, her head pressed against my heart, her little behind in the air.  Sam was the same way, falling asleep as only a baby does.  There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't miss them and tonight is no different.  When I am at the point it physically hurts,  I often recall moments like these. I imagine their small bodies rising and falling with each breath I took, almost like they're floating on the sea, our hearts in perfect sync.

Tonight when Sam and I were saying good-bye, I couldn't hang up.  I wanted to find just the tight words to express how I feel, that If I could wish for one thing right now it would be that they could feel how much I love them and  how I would love to be holding them right now.

As I type this and cry my eyes out, all I can think is that Life is hard.  I've made so many mistakes.  However, no matter the wrong I have done, I think back to those babies sleeping peacefully on my heart and I know that they're the one thing I've done right.

I love you my sweet babies to the moon and stars and back.

Sam asleep on me summer 2000 at my mom's in NM