You are my sunshine

Every night before the girls go to bed we sing songs, I have been doing this since Savannah was a baby.  It is one of the sweet memories I have with my dad, singing Irish tunes before bed.  We sing Danny Boy and several others, but there is one I don't hardly ever sing, "You are my Sunshine", that is because it's Savannah's song.  But the other night we were talking about her before bed as we often do and included them in our prayers.  The girls asked how long I had been singing and I said since Savannah was first born and that "You are my Sunshine" is her song. 

As I sang it for them I remembered how when she was tiny I would rock her and sing. As she got older and I attempted to get her to sleep all night in her own bed, I would go into her room in the middle of the night when she cried and with my head leaning on her crib, I would fight falling asleep, my hand through the rails on her little back, singing her to her dreams.  One of the songs I would sing would be You are my Sunshine, my only sunshine.... even singing it in my mind causes tears to well up in my eyes.  I miss her and Sam so much. 

Yesterday Max climbed up on the kitchen table.  The day before he had mastered the kitchen chair and so yesterday he made it to the summit.  I laughed and groaned at the same time.  My mind flashed back to little Savannah, also just a small one year old and her grin as she mastered the same skill.  I almost called Savannah to tell her until I remembered she was in school, I wanted to share with her the skill her baby brother had inherited... one that keeps a mom on her toes.

Early this morning, just after one, Max woke up and no matter what we did he wouldn't fall back to sleep.  He wasn't feeling well and even allowing him to lay on me and give me snotty nuzzles couldn't get him asleep.  Finally just after four am I put him in his crib and sang to him, just like I did for his older sisters and brother.  It took me laying on the bed in his room, talking to him until he finally relented to sleep.  I fell asleep thinking of all my babies.

My children are my sunshine, the fact that I can't always be with them all is my rain, my clouds.  It is funny, even though Savannah and Sam are older now, when they are here they still let me sing them to sleep.  They don't tease me about my voice, or say they are too old, they just let me rub their heads and do what I long to do every night, tuck all my babies in, sing to them and kiss them good-night.

Savannah and Sam, when you are not here and you are laying in bed in the still of the night, listen real hard because I am still singing to you and telling you sweet dreams.  I love you to the moon and stars and moon and stars and back.