Jerry and I through my daughter's eyes...

"So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too"

John Mayer

Jerry giving Sage some one on one time.

On Sunday we were at Chamber's Bay down on the beach with the kids.  Sage had a sleepover the night before (Saturday) and was tired and emotional.  Jerry took it upon himself to take her aside and talk to her and calm her down.  Watching this, I fell in love with him all over again.  After all, I am not a single engaged woman, but one who has children who are a very important part of me.  For anyone who is engaged in a relationship with children, It is so important to find someone special who not only loves you, but them as well. 

This one is cute,
little Max always smiles
and loves it when we smooch.

After their talk, Sage came over to me and asked for my camera, she had been watching me take pictures and wanted to take some of her own.  I had the flash turned off because I was trying to catch the full sunset, so the pictures became blurry,  but you can see what she saw and decided to capture.

I realized as I later looked at these photos that our children are always watching us.  After all, we are their first teachers and they learn what they live and see.  I know that when my ex and I would fight we thought it was just us in the argument, but what I have realized after listening to the kids had to say, they were part of every fight.  They felt all the pain and sadness that we did. 

We all make mistakes, "to err is human" or so they say.  However the great tragedy is to not learn from those mistakes, to not try and do better, be better.

Over the last several months I have learned that I can't erase what my children saw during the rough times of my previous marriage and they will always be affected by it.

However, I have given them the gift of watching me deal with my heartache and try to grow from it.  You can't change the past, but we are all the captains of our future.  Both my ex and I are moving on and we not only have the ability, but also an obligation to exemplify what a healthy and positive relationship is. 

After looking at these pictures, I felt proud at what they represented.  I was happy that is how my daughter saw me.  As John Mayer said in the song I quoted, Mothers be good to your daughters too.  I do owe it to my daughters from this day forward to be a yardstick for what is expected in a relationship; love, respect, honesty, trust and friendship.  In two and a half weeks I will be getting re-married and I have a second chance to show my children that marriage can be beautiful.  I am going to view this as my gift to them and hope that I can be a beacon for when they are older and begin to chose someone special to spend the rest of their life with.