Courage

There have been a lot of things going on and I will address those happy notes in another post.  This post is about my constant battle to do the right thing when often the right thing consists of facing a huge monster or an enormous mountain that seems impossible to climb.  What I realized today is that when I look behind me, look at what I have been through, I see that I have already summited several mountains already.  This realization gives me the courage to face the next Mountain I just arrived at. 

When I was in high-school my mom and I started going to Al anon together.  It is one of the first things I did for myself in order to attempt to deal with the emotional struggles I was going through.  We said a prayer at the beginning of each session, the serenity prayer...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,

The courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Little did I know that the courage part would be the hardest.  The simple complexity of this poem still gets to me.  Most mornings I am accepting.  I am not changing.  I am simply dealing with what life throws at me on that particular day.  Some days are beautiful, happy and mask the acceptance.  Today is not one of those days.  Last night I became aware of a monster.  I am aware that today and tomorrow I will need courage to deal with that monster.  I can not just accept these facts,  I have no choice but the have the courage to change this situation.  No choice but to climb this Mountain and reach the summit.  Because this monster is not just hurting me anymore, but those dear to me.  And I will not tolerate it!