Anxiety and miracles.

I am headed to my counselor this morning in hopes that she can further assist me in my hopes for a miracle.  A little over two weeks ago I found out something really upsetting from the girls on the way home from the fair.  The craziest part of it was how they told us, they just sort of blurted it out of no where.  It caught Jerry and I totally off guard and initially we didn't know what to say.  I can't share what they said because I think more harm than good would come of it.  But I am typing this right now in hopes to settle my anxiousness. 

The last two weeks have been spent on the phone trying to seek counsel on how to deal with the situation and what I have realized is that something that seems  like it should be so important to handle, becomes so complicated.  It has to do with all four children, but as two are with me and two are with my ex matters are more complicated. 

When you have children you truly do set your heart in their little bodies... and right now my heart is aching and very anxious.  I feel helpless and frustrated and I am praying like crazy.  It is quite ironic that two years ago I was feeling something quite similar however the subject is quite different, the problem is the same.

I know that none of this quite makes sense, but I pray and pray that one day it will.  I remember going to church every single morning and praying furiously to God that he help me choose the right path and show me the way.  I believe that he brought me here and I surrendered my fate to God then and I am begging for his assistance now.  The crazy thing is that I happened across the prayer card that I used two years ago and I have begun to use again.

I am grateful to have an army of friends and family who are caring enough and willing to do what they can to help, but figuring out how to untie our hands is the tricky part.  Jerry has been amazing.  There is a song and the lyrics go..."your more than a lover... you're my best friend" this is truly the case with us.  He had been my rock over the last few years and very much so the last few weeks.  He listens with an open heart and doesn't pressure me, he is just there.  Last night I had multiple nightmares and I woke up grateful that he was there, grateful and thankful. 

My stomach is in knots and my heart is a mess.  I wish I could call up and fix this.  Have a conversation, one conversation and make it all better.  I am praying for a miracle, an open heart a confession and a pledge to get better... be better.  It is possible.  I believe because I believe in miracles that anything is possible and I pray in the name of my babies that this miracle takes place.  Please God.