My sister and I are sitting outside in the quiet of night listening to tunes and smiling over the pictures from her camera. I laugh and beg her not to post some that she has of me. If I am going to live on forever in a photo, it needs to be halfway decent. She begged me to let her post one goofy one, okay Colleen, one. It made me laugh, why be greedy with it?
I am in New Mexico right now, visiting my family and working at Garden Critters. I arrived last Thursday night, just in time for my Dad's surprise 65th birthday party. I am here through Sunday and then I head back to Washington to spend time with Jerry and wait for the littles to come home.
It feels like forever since we said good-bye to them at the airport. I have had good days and bad. Any good days were thanks to Jerry. We decided to make the most of our "us" time and play a little. We got a sitter one night and went to our favorite 21 and over restaurant that over looks the sound. We always make sure to scope out a table right up against the glass and never tire of the view.
Every other night we would take Max and head out on an adventure. (The nights we had Brayden he was super content to play outside with his friends, once we took him and our little neighbor Sofia to Chambers to the dog park and the beach... it was nice to have a few littles around.) However on our Max only nights we would take advantage of the opportunity to communicate one on one... as for those who don't know, Max isn't talking yet. Anyway, one night we went to Redondo beach after having some fabulous authentic Mexican food. We walked along the water and talked and laughed. I could feel the tension and sadness fade as the night wore on. Nature has always had this affect on me and something about the constant ebb and flow of the tide relaxes me and quietly reminds me that somethings are constant and forever.
We went to Alki beach on two different occasions. The first time we lucked out at Salty's and snagged probably the best table in the restaurant and had an awesome view of downtown Seattle and the water. Sailboats floated by and Max was an angel making our night just about perfect. We then headed to Alki beach to walk along the water and treat ourselves to ice cream. We measured it on the second trip and figured we were getting a good walk in and earned our desert. We missed the water taxi on the first go round, so the the next time we went we took it over to Seattle to get some dinner, fresh halibut. Yummy. On the way back I had to smile a special smile to get the boat to come back as we missed it by a minute. Jerry laughed when he saw it pull away, but reverse and come back for us. I reminded him I have special skills. We walked on the beach later that night and I walked in the water for awhile. I thought about the kids and told myself I would make sure to bring them back before the end of summer to swim. They really enjoyed it here last year.
The Sunday before I left we took Max to the movies. We have taken him in the past, but we realized that this was the last non-Disney movie we would be able to take him to for awhile. I spent half the movie walking with him on the side-isle trying to listen to the movie and breastfeed him while standing up. He finally fell asleep and I was able to sit back down with Jerry and finish the movie, Crazy, Stupid, Love. I think it was a pretty good, but maybe ask someone else for sure.
I miss my Jerry. I love being with my family, and I miss them too when I am away, but right now the happiness that I feel is slightly over shadowed by the fact the Jerry and most of my littles are not here. Isn't that life? At least it is mine. I have family and friends scattered across the country and I am always missing someone, but how I miss Jerry is different, it is the kind of feeling of missing your partner, side-kick, best friend.
He makes me smile. The other night he didn't have Brayden so he decided to spend his night of freedom by going to Old Navy. Thanks to Kendra and Dave, Brayden is pretty set on school clothes, but he needed jeans. So Jerry had gotten an email about a jean sale and headed to check things out. But the cute part was he didn't just buy Brayden jeans, he bought the girls some as well. He even taught me something new about sizing, I learned what slim meant. The sales person had asked him to describe Saxton and he said she was eight, but little, so she helped him buy eight slim, the length of an eight year old, with the waist of a seven year old. I didn't know that, and neither did he, but the fact of how we learned it will forever make me grin.
One blessing of this trip though is that I was able to be here for my Dad's surprise party. It was awesome! There were quite a few people that showed and we surprised him by standing out in the street with balloons so when he pulled up there we all were. He was super surprised which made it even better. I was happy for my mom because she was so excited and worked so hard to get everything ready... she deserved to have it work. And it did. A night full of good food, drinks and karyoke. My friends Tushar and Becky were even ablet to make it with their little, TJ, and that led to much needed girl talk.
I am so grateful I was able to make it. Life is short and when you have the opportunity to celebrate someone special, you should take it. Dave has been there for my family and I for a third of my life now. In fact my mom and him just celebrated their twelth anniversary. He was there in Chicago when Savannah was just a few days old and has been there ever since whenever I have needed him. Even if he hasn't been able to be there physically, he has always been their emotionally. Dave has been a dad for my siblings and I, with the most remarkable part being that even though he didn't have to, he chose to. He chose to be a part of our crazy, drama filled lives, God bless him.
Life is short. It is a present that each of us is given and it is up to us how we use it. My sister Kathleen and my brother-in-law have been reminded of this in the hardest form, Ben's grandpa Sam is in the final days of his life. He is fully aware of what is happening to him and I think that is what makes it the hardest. But he is surounded by love. Kathleen and Ben have been loving him and helping him to let go and say good-bye. I can tell it is breaking my sister's heart, but she doesn't waiver from her husband's side and continues to support him and his family. This is love. I know Grandpa Sam feels it and it will make his journey home a happy one.
Life is precious and wonderful and it scares me at how fragile it it. I don't ever want to take my life or the lives of those I love for granted. I have been blessed with five beautiful children and now a sixth one of the heart. I have been riding a roller coaster for years and I know that while some days will be difficult, others will be beautiful. But the most important part is that I remember that every day is a gift.
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