It actually started a few days ago, that aching feeling when it's getting close to Savannah and Sam leaving. My heart gets heavy and a knot settles in the back of my throat. I try not to cry, but eventually mind over matter doesn't work anymore. The hours feel like they're minutes and before I know it, it's time to say goodbye. This morning Sam, my mom and I took one last hike. As we turned to head back home, the emptiness settled in.
Unfortunately circumstances today made the goodbye even harder and as I stood at the edge of the security line keeping me from two of my loves, the all too familiar heart wrenching feeling settled in. The rest of the day I sort of felt numb, but as I landed tonight and the reality set in about the distance between us, I lost it all over again. I just want my babies back.
Life sometimes becomes so hectic and our concerns become distorted by meaningless stresses. But for a few days and especially during particularly sweet moments, life made sense and my heart felt complete. For now it's those memories I treasure and cling to as the rest of my world feels torn apart.
I love you Savannah and Sam to the moon and stars and back.
I miss you so much it hurts.
I wish you were here.