Birthday Surprises and the beautiful, naked truth.

Started Wednesday April 25th

I often write  blogs in my head and they never make it to paper.  It's hard to have the courage sometimes to be vulnerable to others, to be figuratively naked.  Another tendency I have is to wander in my writing similar to what I do when I am speaking.  Jerry, Kathleen and I discussed this when we were wandering around Santa Fe last Thursday, how we jump from one thought to another and give no forewarning.  Knowing this may help you, my reader, understand the way I write.

Thanks Elizabeth for hosting the
awesome surprise birthday dinner!!!
Thanks Kathleen for picking us up
and all your hard work!!!

A week ago I flew to New Mexico and experienced one of the most wonderful moments of my life, surprising my mom for her sixtieth birthday.  It was amazing to feel that loved, that raw of emotions.  I can imagine it, if Savannah or Sam were to surprise me sometime, that feeling of not believing that someone you love to much, miss so much, is actually right there in front of you.  My mom was so shocked that we were there, that at one point she took my hair in her hands and said, "I can't believe that you're here, but I know it's you because this is your hair."  I love you mom, so much!

On Thursday we went to Santa Fe for the day. My parents work there and my grandma lives up there, and she provided me with a beautiful life lesson.  The way my grandma looked at Max, loved him so wonderfully and thought he was so beautiful, made me realize how blessed I am. It also made me realize how short life is and how important it is to just let go and enjoy it.

My visit to New Mexico sent me home with all sorts of  incite.  After spending time with my mom and sisters, I realized that we are all trying hard to hide our feelings, mask our disappointments, look for recognition, feel love.  However, it is hard to just let go our layers that cover how we really feel, it is hard to be naked.  Friday my sisters and I surprised my mom with a massage at the spa.  Before our massages we had the ability to use a ladies only hot tub.  When we walked out to the patio there was a lady, naked.  We all got in the hot tub and I suggested that we all take off our suits, and one by one we did.  It was amazing how nervous we all were initially (I was especially amused by my sister's shyness, they have model like bodies, so does my mom!!!), but after a few minutes we were comfortable in our nakedness.  What if we were able to do this in life?

After our massages we all went in the Sauna.  There were other ladies in there and we all started chatting.  I am not sure if it was because we were all naked, but a pretty personal conversation soon ensued.  After a little while it was just Colleen and I and one other woman.  She too had been through a divorce and had three children.  A true soul sister, she understood the pain I constantly go through having to be away from Savannah and Sam and the girls when they are with their dad.  She gave me some good advice, to live and enjoy each moment, to feel the sadness when it comes but also to allow the myself to feel happiness too.  I think we can all be our harshest critics, but she reminded me to let that go.  Just be.

Friday night we went to dinner and later on Jerry and I were sitting outside talking as well as having moments of silence.  I realized something, that my sisters and I all live very different lives, have very different perspectives on things, but yet we are all very similar.  We are sensitive, emotional and defensive, but we love hard and with all our heart no matter what.  Growing up in dysfunction and walking down all the paths we have chosen have caused us at times to be broken.  But that doesn't mean  we can't fix ourselves.  After everything we have been through we also have a huge gift, each other.  I love my mom, sisters and brothers with my whole heart, we know each other, inside and out and there is a certain comfort in that.  No matter what choices I have made, they know me and still love me.

Saturday morning Jerry, Max and I kidnapped my mom and took her on the tram to the top of the Sandias.  It was a beautiful, perfect day.  As we walked along the narrow path that held views of the edge of the mountain and breathtaking cliffs I realized something, I felt at home.  I could hear my mom declaring in delight at how beautiful everything was and getting excited at each gorgeous picture and I realized again that I am mother's daughter.  I see beauty everywhere and it excites me.  I am comfortable in my own skin, I am happy at how my mom raised me.

The Limo Ladies! 

Saturday was surprise limo and party day.  My mom made every moment that day unforgettable.  Her expressions and gratefulness were heartfelt and awesome.  My biggest wish is that she knows how special she is to all of us, to me, my siblings, my dad Dave, our family and all of her friends.  My mom loves with her whole heart, and brings an excitement and joy to life that many people lack.  If someone doesn't like my mom, then there is something wrong with them.  She is one of a kind.

Saturday night Jerry was walking with Max and showed him the stars.  My parents live out in the desert with very little light pollution, and you can see almost every one.  Max came up to me and pointed up, wanting me to see the wondrous thing he had just discovered.  Later that night, after all the guests had gone, my mom, Jerry and I were all sitting in the hot tub.  All of a sudden, a huge shooting star lit up the night sky, a magical giant wish.  We wondered if it was birthday gift from my late grandpa Ugo.  No matter why it was sent, it made me realize how lucky I am to have the mom I do, the family have and the husband to walk through it all with me. 

I am very thankful for my Jerry.  He was wonderful all weekend, and awesome about helping with Max so that I could spend time with my family.  Jerry, Ben (my brother-in-law) and Jed (my sister Colleen's boyfriend) were rock stars at helping to get the house ready for the party.  They were three men and a baby on more than one occasion.  My mom is a special lady, and it was a team effort pulling her surprise birthday weekend off, but she is more than worth it.  There will never be enough parties or thank yous to show her how much she is loved and that's the truth!