The teenage years a matter of pride and prejudice

 I’ve been away from my blog for quite some time.  In the fall of 2014 I decided to go back to school. In the spring of 2015 I completed one of my requirements to apply for respiratory therapy school. In May of 2015 I was accepted.  In June 2016 I graduated and I have been working as a respiratory therapist at Seattle Children’s Hospital since July of 2016.  This whole time was a struggle to juggle parenting along with school,  Clinicals and work.    I completed my bachelors in the winter of 2008 while having children and I thought that was hard. But I realize as I approach the eve of 20 years of being a mom, that parenting doesn’t get any easier, it’s just a different struggle. I think back to one point when my four older children were little, I had four children five and under. I had three in diapers at the same time. In order for my daughter to go to all day kindergarten I had to load four children twice a day into four car seats for an hour round-trip.   I still remember practicing counting to 100 with Savannah on the way to school because she wanted to be the first one to do so in her class.   Now she’s a sophomore studying business at Indiana University.    However as I spent my mom’s weekend with her back in February, I realize when I look at her she still six months old in my mind.   They are always your babies.

Now I have a seven year old and five teenagers between the ages of 13 and19.  I will say this for the rest my life, that there’s nothing harder than being a parent.  Every day you question your decisions, you wonder if your discipline is enough or too much, you try and hug more and scold less.  You feel pride and prejudice almost every day. I mention prejudice because your children are like your cubs and you are biased by their actions and choices because of how much you love them.  I have sworn over the years never to badmouth my children in public, ie this blog or Facebook.  It’s been very important to me that they never look back and see that their mom wrote negatively of them. That’s not to say I haven’t gone through major struggles and continue to struggle every single day.  You just won’t hear the details of those moments if it involves talking negatively about my child. Instead I’ve tried to praise them from time to time in order that on rough days if they feel like it, they can look back and remember no matter what they are facing or no matter who they feel is against them, they always know I have their back. They have my unconditional love from now until forever.  I’m not trying to paint a perfect picture, and I’m not trying to deny my frustrations or the tears I have shed over the years.  I’m just hoping that more than anything else I do for my children, I’m hoping to cheer for them and Today was a perfect example of that and inspired me to come back to my blog. Last year about this time Sage was diagnosed with a stress Fracture in her hip. She had to quit track and begin intensive physical therapy. I honestly don’t think either of us thought she would participate in high school sports again. In eighth grade she played football, then basketball, then soccer and then track.  The doctor thought it was possible that it was just too much for her. However, I will state for the record that all of this was Sage’s choice. She is very determined and drives the bus on extracurricular activities and school.   She puts enough pressure on herself that I try hard not to add to it.  But somewhere along the line Sage decided she wasn’t done.  She informed us earlier this winter that she was going to go to football workouts. She isn’t sure yet if she’ll play in the fall, but she wanted to continue her conditioning that she had done in physical therapy. Then during workouts she decided she would like to try and run track again. I was really nervous about her physical state and would often ask her how she was feeling.  She assured me she was okay and put her heart behind her healing in order to get back on the track and Today I watched my daughter run again.  She finished first in her heat in the 100 and despite a block malfunction, she finished with the pack in her heat in the 200.  This is where my bias comes in. I know my daughters journey and it wouldn’t have mattered if she came in dead last, she finished first in my mind. I’ve known her struggles through life and how her mind and heart battle every day to survive and I truly felt that my heart was going to burst with pride today.  Parenting is hard, but having my children is a privilege and today and everyday I thank a God for the opportunity to have them, love them and watch them fly.  I love you all so much, to the moon and stars and back.