Our little, big Max.

Whoever knew the nearly proper pronounciation of the word elephant would make the kids and I so sad today. Max can say "el-phant" versus "ela-fa-nent." He even properly said truck... versus the explicative version he's only ever said before.  As the kids quizzed him on other words, we all realized that our little Max is growing up. 

Today I signed him up for big boy swim lessons.  After almost three years of parent child classes I'm sad to be seeing my little guy moving on.  But he was ready, proudly swimming the whole length of the pool by himself last Wednesday, with only the aid of a puddle hopper.  Way to go Max!

Tonight after soccer, Sage was telling me how she was sad about her baby brother becoming a big boy.  When we arrived home, she raced upstairs to see if he was awake.  He was in bed, but not sleeping, so she snuck in his room.  We could hear the two of them giggling, sharing little secrets all their own.   

A little later, after she headed to bed and he called for me, I had my own snuggle time.  I rocked and sang him a few lullabies, including "sister Savannah's song." Yes, he might be growing up, but like his older siblings, he'll always be my baby. 

Good-night to all my babies.  I love you to the moon and stars and back.  

8.01 miles for Childhood Cancer.

Children are a blessing and a spirit that lights up a household.  I remember one night when Max was literally bouncing off things, he was pile driving his dad and I, jumping on the couch, wanting to play catch with the football and kick the soccer ball. "Past the defense," he said and "into the net." He was full of vim and vigor as my grandma would say.

Then he went with his dad to pick up his brother and the house went quiet. No more giggles and gumption. I was sad. The time he was gone was a quiet I didn't like. I was truly greatful for his return and his exuberant hug and "hi mommy!"  Not having him and his siblings in my life is unimaginable and this memory brings me to a cause that has become deeply imbedded in my heart, the fight against childhood cancer.

Back in February,  I joined a Facebook group that are participating in a virtual Run to the White House.  The purpose of this, is to bring awareness to the epidemic of childhood cancer and hopefully turn the White House yellow for September in honor of childhood cancer awareness month. Maybe, if we're lucky, we can get some football players to wear yellow shoes and gloves!

Each day on the Run for the White House for Childhood Cancer Facebook page there are children who are struggling with treatment and parents who are dealing with a sick baby or possibly the tragic loss of a beautiful child.  As a parent, the idea of any of my little ones being sick, is my worse nightmare.   Even though I have read posts and blogs from parents who been affected my childhood cancer, I can hardly imagine what they are all going through.

While I, like many, have always been concerned about and donated towards childhood cancer, my passion really jumpstarted last fall when my husband turned me onto Taylor Swift's song Ronan, about the loss of a little boy to cancer.  Since then, I have been following Ronan's Mom's Blog, Rockstar Ronan and following her struggles with dealing with the loss of her baby boy.  Ronan's story, as well as the many other little ones who I have come to know, have really opened my eyes concerning the epidemic of childhood cancer, as well as re-emphasized the fragility of life.  We truly don't know what is around the corner.

So today, in honor of all these little ones battling for there lives, I ran 8.01 miles.  Brian Jones, the head of Run for the Whitehouse, challenged us to run 7 on the 7th "for the average of 7 children who will not survive cancer today, April 7."  I haven't run this far since the 90's due to old track injuries and birthing five babies, so when my Map My Run link came on my iPhone and informed me I had reached 7 miles, I loudly whooped several times.  As silly as it may sound, I literally was telling myself out loud, "You got this!" More importantly, I was willing my support for all the little ones battling cancer to know that we are here, we are supporting them, loving them, praying for them, cheering for them from all over the country and telling them, "You Got This!"

Walking home from school for miles!

When I arrived back in my neighborhood, my eight year old son was waiting to finish my run with me.  He had ran a few blocks with me as I started and helped to support me as I looped around an extra cul-de-sac to reach my 8 miles.  My family knows of my quest and has been very supportive, even helping to add a few miles of their own.  My mom and a few of my friends have joined Brian's cause and now I am hoping that some of my beloved readers will join it too! It's free and is as simple as liking Run for the White House for Childhood Cancer  on Facebook.  Then you write a message and post how far you have Run (or walked, biked or even swam.)  Brian keeps track of all the miles.

Life is a blessing and children are our greatest gift, we owe it to them to support any obstacle they may encounter, big or small.  If you can't join us and even if you can, please consider making a donation to fight childhood cancer.  

 

Sam's Birth Story

Baby Sam 2000

Preface:  When I was pregnant with Sam, I belonged to Babycenter.com and became pen-pals of sorts with a bunch of awesome ladies who lived all over the place.  I guess you could say this was the beginning of cyber relationships and pre-Facebook posting.  Anyway, a few weeks ago, I was sorting through some old papers and found several "posts" that I wrote to my friends.  One in particular, was very special.  It was my post just after Sam was born recounting the story of his entrance in the world.  I am not going to edit what I typed.  I am leaving it word for word, with even some typos because I was also nursing Sam.

Written March 27, 2000.

Sam is here!  All 7 lbs. 11.7 oz of pure joy!  He was 21 inches long and born at 1:22 am on Friday March 24th.  I had a little nubane that helped with the in between part of a total of three contractions, but the delivery overall was natural.  No episiotomy this time.  And I only needed a few stitches.  It was painful, but an awesome painful.  It was so intense and I will never forget it.  When they put him on my belly, I could not stop touching him and did not want to let him go!  He is beautiful and healthy and really here!  It was love at first sight and for some reason I feel/felt a little more protective about him than I did dd (dear daughter).  Maybe it was because I had a few more problems this pg (pregnancy) with spotting, etc... that I was more worried that he would not make it... anyway... his is wonderful.

About the labor... at about 7:25 I was coming home with dd from the neighbors and she was trying to get away, so I picked her up and had a major contraction, well just before I entered the garage I had this huge gush of fluid run down my leg, through my pants, on my shoes and the driveway.  I was not sure if I peed or if it was my water.  I went inside and took everything off and it did not smell like pee so I called dh (dear husband: these were shortcuts we used to communicate.)  He was at work and I told him I may have broken my water.  I told him to sit tight and I would call him back after I talked to the Dr.  Well after three pages I could not get a hold of him, so I call L & D and they told me to come in.  Dh came home meanwhile, he said that he could not wait and they sent him home.  He smelled my pants and also thought it did not smell like pee.  So we got ready to go.  We called mil and finally got her to agree to come over.  My neighbor came over so we could leave right away.  Dh did give dd a quick bath so that she would be all ready for bed.  

We drove to the hospital, I was having contras, but not real bad and only 5 min. to 8 min. apart.  We checked in and went upstairs.  I got undressed and the nurse checked me and said I was only 3 cm and my water had not broken.  So I guess it was pee, just not smelly pee lol. (side note:  I still think my water broke!!) Anyway she told me they would probably send me home.  Well then the Dr. came in and ripped my insides apart, said I was a good 4, he was going to break my water and we were going to have a baby.  He told us the nurses were busy and just wanted to send someone home, but this was a game and to just act like I was in pain  Well I was after they broke my water.  From 9:30 (when they broke it) until delivery, it was no fun.  Dh was a good coach.  He even had to help me go potty four times in the bed pan.  They would not let me get up in case of the cord prolapsing.  So I was in bed the whole time.  (little man is eatinng so I am typing one handed) The end was no fun because I was sitting at 7 cm and I had the urge to push.  I dilated to ten so fast and was climbing the bed with the urge.  They barely got me in the stir-ups and two big pushes later his head was out and then one more for his body  The placenta was no fun.  But was so worth it.  It was the most intense yet awesome/wonderful pain of my life!  (With dd I did have a local because of the episiotomy so this time was different with no local...)  

He is a good little guy.  He has really taken to nursing and that is going well.  Although I am so huge right now that I could feed five babies.  The hospital stay was nice, but Friday late morning little man gave us a scare.  After his circumcision, he started getting blue in his mouth and his arms and legs.  They ended up putting him in the warmer because his hr was low and his circulation was bad.  But by the end of the day and some major tlc by mom, he was better.  Except for a few short trips to the nursery for  weight and his 48 hour test, I did not let him out of my sight and would go everywhere with him.  I even had them give him his first bath in the room with me.

We got home yesterday afternoon and all is going well.  (Other than the fact that dh went golfing with the neighbor and left me with dd.) Thank you for helping me through this pg and for your friendship.  You are an awesome bunch of ladies and I glad to have you.

Lisa and Sam"the little man"Kenneth.

Postscript:  Re-typing this and re-reading it is very emotional for me.  I can replay all these memories like movies in my mind.  I remember in the middle of the night while we were still in the hospital, being all alone with Sam (My Ex slept at home).  He was sleeping on me and I was so high on adrenaline and love that I couldn't all asleep.  God had given me this perfect "little man" and I remember feeling so blessed, a feeling that has never faded.  Sam and I have a special bond.  He has always been my sweet boy and has always been such a love.  One of my favorite memories from this summer at that lake was during a late night boat ride with just Jerry, Sam and I.  We went out to look at the stars and say good-bye to the lake.  On the way back to the cabin, Sam fell asleep on me.  It felt like when he was just a little guy and would snuggle with me.  I truly felt like I was in heaven.  

I love you my sweet Sam.  You hold a very special place in my heart and I am so happy to be your mom.  Every moment I am away from you I miss you like crazy and pray to be with you again.  Happy Birthday and always remember... I love you to the moon and stars and back!

Dreaming about Grandpa

Last night when I went to bed I was feeling sad because I was missing my Savannah and Sam. Trying to help myself feel better, I felt under my pillow for my Grandpa's Rosary and it wasn't there. Remembering I had just changed my sheets and put it up I got out of bed to retrieve it. As soon as I had it in my hand, a comfortable peace surrounded me allowing me to fall asleep.

A little back story on my Grandpa's Rosary... He passed away in January of 2010. This was particularly hard, because I was going through a divorce and had just moved (December 2009) to Washington. In addition, I had just found out I was pregnant.  Things were quite stressful and I was emotionally and physically drained.  Jerry (my now husband) was kind enough to watch the girls so I could fly to Chicago to meet up with my cousins and attend my Grandpa's funeral in Indiana.  It was a bittersweet weekend.  It was wonderful to see my family and for all of us cousins to be together for the first time in years, but very hard to say good-bye to the one true father figure that had been there for me my whole life.  In addition, it was heartbreaking to see my Grandma so sad.  One magical moment was when all of the cousins surrounded my Grandma in front of my Grandpa's casket and willed our love to heal her pain and hurt.  On Tuesday after the funeral all of us cousins were told to go pick something special from my Grandpa's Office.  I was happy to get his elephant, something he had as long as I could remember.  From there my cousins and I headed back to Chicago so they could drop me at the airport and just as we were leaving my Cousin Christi asked me if I wanted this Rosary.  I said yes and took the black beaded Italian Rosary and held it in my hand the whole way to the airport.  We didn't hit any traffic, which was a miracle and after I made it home safe and sound, my faith in the Rosary began.

Ever since then, I have spent most of my nights with my Grandpa's Rosary under my pillow.  As I progressed in my pregnancy I held the Rosary tighter.  I brought it with me to a late night Doctor visit when I began to have complications in my third month and when my belly grew I would lay it across my stomach so my Grandpa could watch over the new life I was growing.   When Max was born early and was in the NICU, the nurse hung his Rosary in his incubator.  After we brought him home I hung "Grandpa" (as I now called the Rosary) between my bed and Max's bassinet.  

"Grandpa" has gone with me all sorts of places, on Vacation, to visit family and even on my Honeymoon.  I joked with my Grandma and told her I took "Grandpa" on a Jet Ski in the Caribbean Ocean.  My Grandpa always meant so much to me and I feel that he is with me through his Rosary, as silly as that might sound.

One regret I have is that my Grandpa never met Max.  I whispered to him that I was pregnant when I said my good-byes, but that wasn't the same.  I was lucky enough to get to go back and visit my grandma last June and introduce her to Max, but sadly, there was no Grandpa there to laugh at his little quirks and to watch him share food with Grandma.

Grandpa and Savannah Summer 2006

Grandpa and Saxton

This is where my dream I had last night comes in.  My dreams are frequent and unbelievably eclectic, strange and sometimes very intense.  I often wake up and can't quite comprehend what the message was and most times, there is a fine line between a dream and nightmare, but not this morning.  Today when I woke up, I just felt happy.  I can't remember all the details, but one I do remember quite vividly,  was that I was on a path and had somehow gotten separated from Max.  I turned around to look for him and he was quite a ways back walking away from me holding my Grandpa's hand.  At first I tried to get a picture, but couldn't.  Then I just ran to them and scooped up Max in my arms, hugging him tightly.  Then both Max and I kissed my Grandpa's cheek.  It was so real, I could even feel his whiskers.  My sweet Grandpa.  I have dreamed about him several times lately, but this dream was my favorite.  He had finally gotten to meet my Max and I was able to kiss my Grandpa one more time.

I don't know the exact relationship between dreams and heaven, but I believe that sometime last night the two intertwined.  My Grandpa was with me again, loving me, meeting his youngest great-grandson and I was loving him back.


I love you Grandpa to the moon and stars and to heaven and back!    

The Naked Clam

Max headed to check out the ocean with his big brother Brayden.

A Clam culture does exist!  I was finally educated on this beloved tradition while visiting Ocean Shores this weekend with my family.  We headed up on Saturday to stay for the night at The Quinault and upon arrival noticed the clamming Woodstock that was taking place on the beach.  There were people everywhere and while they were not naked, after all the shucking that was said and done, the clams were.  I was intrigued.

After we checked in and got all our warm gear on, we headed out to the hysteria that was taking place on the beach.  The clamming craziness was in full swing.  Clammers, all decked out in huge boots, or even waders and rain gear were going at the beach with their clam guns and shovels as if they were digging for gold.  Our curiosity got the best of us and we quickly set out to find answers, first and foremost, what were these clam characters they were going after?  I looked down after the tide had drawn out and there was this strange thing wriggling in the sand.  Quickly I grabbed the strange creature and pulled it out of the soft beach, a clam!  (I later found out that just grabbing them like that was rare, normally you had to get down and dirty and dig for them.) A little while later I attempted to grab another one and tore off it's head, basically I murdered it.  Feeling terrible and not wanting to waste his life, the kids and I looked for some hungry Seagulls to share my find with.  They were more than willing to feast on my victim.

Clamming is not for the faint of heart.  It is a cold, wet and very dirty, sandy venture and all for just fifteen clams.  The Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife States:

“The first fifteen razor clams regardless of size or condition must be retained. One daily limit of fresh shellfish may be in possession. Additional shellfish may be possessed in a frozen or processed form. Razor clams may not be returned to the beach. For razor clams, holes do not have to be refilled as is required for hard-shell clam digging.”

This is serious business and I began to notice this was a family affair, even toddlers were booted up and part of the mayhem.  I asked a friendly fellow to explain some of the rules and he informed me that adults have to have a license, but children, as long as they were with a licensed adult, could also procure fifteen clams.   One father noted that this was true, however he made sure his children took part in the process and helped dig and retrieve the clams.  However, what he didn't tell me, and what I soon realized, was how hard the digging actually was.  

Saxton trying her hand
at clamming.

A clam in the sand next to clam gun.

As we headed down the beach we came across a nice woman and her nieces and nephews.  They were really struggling to find and acquire any clams.  They were really working hard and not having much return.  After attempting to help them for a little while, we all caught a break when a good Samaritan stopped and gave us a clam-digging-101 lesson on using a clam gun.  First, you need to locate the bubbling hole which is hopefully holding a clam, then face the incoming tide and prepare to stab the shore with your gun. (Facing the tide is done for many reasons, but the most important reason is so you can see the approaching rush of the sea and not get caught off guard.  This happened to us and we all got soaked. Even me in my boots.)  Next he showed us how you place the gun at an angle and proceed to swivel it back and forth as you quickly (key word) maneuver the gun into the sand. Then you plug the small hole on the underside of the handle and pull the gun (now suctioned) out of the sand.  (Truthfully, this is back breaking, muscle wrenching work.)  After you pull the gun out, you have to move with super sonic speed in order to sift through the sand for the clam and if it's not there, plunge into the icy cold hole with your hand and fish for your prize.  After I got the hang of it, all of the kids wanted to try and we actually found several for our new found friends.  At one point I looked around at all the smiling faces and was happy that each and everyone of us was enjoying themselves.   

Our new found friends.  

Not long before we found our new hobby our son Brayden wasn't quite enjoying our venture out onto the beach.  However, I noticed that after a little while his face turned from sulking to smiling.  He soon became an expert clam grabber and attacked the wet holes with a passion and helped to take more than one into custody.  Clamming was no longer an unknown culture, but now a beloved experience.  As I talked with our sitter Kate who we brought with us, she recalled her own special childhood memories with her family.  We laughed when she came to the revelation that her parents most likely brought her along in order to claim her fifteen clams.  Growing up in Indiana, the only thing I shucked was corn, and I was as grateful for this new experience as my children were.

As we watched the sun set on our day and I watched my girls enjoy the ocean and the Sunset, I was very grateful for the gifts that the sea bestows on us.  Some our tangible, and some are carried with us in our hearts.  My family and I didn't know the lessons we would learn when we headed to the shore Saturday, and I am glad.  Sometimes the best things are life's little naked surprises.        

Let's help Leo! The goal to help a little boy with brain cancer live life to the fullest.

Picture courtesy of Leo's Facebook Page.

Life is precious.  As parents we do our best to make our little ones happy and to allow for their childhood to be filled with wonderful memories, smiles and laughter.  This is the goal of Auction for Leo on Facebook, to provide opportunities for Leo and his family to enjoy life to the fullest!

Here is Leo's Story courtesy of information on his Facebook Page:

Leo is a nine year old boy who lives in Belfair, Washington.  Four and half years ago Leo was diagnosed with Glioblasoma, a type of Brain Tumor.  He has had to overcome three surgeries, as well as countless rounds of chemotherapy and radiation therapy in hopes to destroy the tumor that is wrapped around his brain.  Sadly, his last MRI (done over Thanksgiving weekend) showed that the tumor had not shrunk as they had hoped, instead, the Doctors found it had doubled in size.  As a result of this heartbreaking diagnosis, Leo's medical team have informed the family that they have done all that they can and have given him a prognosis of six good months to live.

Through his Facebook Page, Leo has a few wishes that we would like to help make true.  One is to meet his favorite singer, Katy Perry.  Another, to visit Disneyland, is one he was able to realize thanks to donors.  Unfortunately, another huge burden is the mounting medical bills, especially since his Medicaid was canceled.  What is happening to Marna and Jon, Leo's mom and dad, is any parents worse nightmare.  They deserve the opportunity to enjoy every second with their son and not have to worry about finances.

The group, Auction For Leo on Facebook is an awesome resource for fundraising.  Please join the group and check out all the phenomenal items up for Auction or you can make a cash donation to:

givingtoleo@gmail.com on Paypal or

Marna Palmer
P.O. Box 3082
Belfair, WA 98528

Leo also has a bank account at any Key Bank under Leo Palmer Donation

Please take some time to check out Leo's page and to become a part of his Facebook Family.  Together we can make a difference in not only his life, but the life of his loved ones.