David Vs Goliath, Colorado State Pride

Today I watched CSU battle against the defending National Champions and number one ranked Alabama.  The final score isn't an accurate representation of how well Colorado State played, especially the defense.  They didn't allow Alabama a third down conversion until the very end of the game.  I truly was proud of my Rams.  

One of my favorite quotes from To Kill a Mockingbird, is when Atticus Finch says, "Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It's knowing you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."  Colorado State didn't win on the scoreboard, but I was proud to call them my team.  

From a young girl who used to study at her locker and never missed class, to a mother who had to put school on hold for her family, no one was more excited than I was when I graduated from CSU in December, 2008.  It wasn't where I started my college career, but it's where I finished and that made all the difference. CSU became a place of peace and solitude for me and I will forever be grateful. 

No we didn't win, but because we didn't give up, we didn't get beat either. The people of Colorado have been taking some licks, but after the spirit I saw today, I know they'll right themselves again, I'm sure of that.

I can hear them chanting all the way from Washington, "I said, I'm proud, to be, a CSU Ram!!!"

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A flashback Friday!

Do you ever wish you could jump inside of a video or photograph?!?  I do, all the time.  I loved this day.  We drove and took the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle, about an hour ride and I remember the way Savannah squealed when she was feeding the seagulls.  The weather was gorgeous, making an amazing backdrop to our adventure.  After we arrived in the city we walked around Pike Place Market.  The whole afternoon was just lovely, as quaint as it sounds, the word fits perfect.  

http://instagram.com/p/bPAbpPq4aO/

I miss and love you my little ones to the moon and stars and back!

Hit the Target and Found Footies For Savannah

You could probably hear our laughter all through Target's dressing area.  Jerry said he could hear me across the whole store.  The funny thing is, that one of the people laughing was literally hundreds of miles away.  Thanks to technology, my daughter Savannah and I were both hootin' and hollering at the selfie I had just sent her of me posing in footie pajamas.

My Savannah has homecoming next weekend and as part of the festivities, they have a Throwback Thursday during spirit week.  So yesterday she asked me if I could get her some footie pajamas and send them to her.  Having sadly missed out on getting her a homecoming dress, I was grateful to be able to participate in some way, even if it meant purchasing giant size footies.

So via snapchat, we narrowed it down to a couple different styles and I decided to surprise her and put them on to check sizes as well as model them for her.  I tried on a small because that was the closest that was going to fit her and I wanted to see if the pjs were going to even be close.  They fit snug, but my gosh they were the most comfy things I think I've worn since I was a toddler and actually wore footies on a regular basis.  I was so jealous of Max that he got to sport such comfort every night and later told my husband I want a pair.  (If you want a pair visit Target.com)

Anyway, that's where the giggles and uncontrollable laughter cues in.  I called her and told her I sent a snapchat of them on me and the second that Savannah saw the picture, she lost it.  However, I knew I was in trouble when I saw she took a screen shot.  It was only a matter of seconds and she had shared it with her best friend and boyfriend.  What I have to admit, is that I loved every minute of it.  I loved being able to feel like we were actually together, school shopping of sorts, bonding over homecoming attire and laughing the whole time.  I say it frequently, but I am going to say it again... I miss her and Sam like crazy.  Maybe that's why I found myself, in Target's fitting room, in Max's pajamas, taking dreaded selfies.

I hope you like them Savannah Banana.  Maybe I will get another pair for me and we can be twins the next time we're together.

Good-night, I love you both, to the moon and stars, moon and stars and back!

Update:  My Savannah in her Snuggies!!!

Sparkly Savannah

When I think of you, you're this little girl, patent leather shoes, spunky little outfit, eight years old with the weight of the world already on your shoulders.  I look at old photographs and wish so badly to be able to jump into those pictures, hug you tightly and tell you everything is going to be okay.  I was looking through several from this day, most were smiley pictures, except for this one.  Here you are lost in your own thoughts, off by yourself.  Looking back at this photo, it's almost as if this unforeseeable force swooped in and stole you away from me.

I naively thought for so many years that I could protect you from all the bad in the world, I was wrong.  I wish every second, of everyday that you were here, you and your brother.  I remember you as babies, snuggled close to me after I nursed you to sleep.  How can it be that you are so far away?  I miss you so much it hurts.

My little Savannah, you're growing up so fast, this beautiful young lady with a personality that lights up a room.  I want you to know one thing, that you deserve every happiness.  I am so proud of you, so humbled at how greatly you love and how brightly you shine.  You're amazing and I am so blessed to call you mine... I know I have said things like this before, but I also know you can't say them too much.

I love you my Savannah and my sweet little Sam, I miss you, I wish you were here.

Good night... I love you to the moon and stars, moon and stars and back.

P.S.  I know you read these and my Sam doesn't.  Can you please hug him for me and have him hug you back.

     

He buys me my favorite Coffee-mate creamer.

First, read this blog post:

I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married

Elad NehoraiSep 11, 2013

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3908956

The concept of an acting love is one I am  thankful to know.  I have talked before how my sister, after listening to me go on and on about how wonderful my husband was, stopped me and reminded me that yes, he was wonderful, but that the way he was treating me was normal, what I deserved. To me it was still foreign and everyday I'm still grateful.  

Monday I wasn't feeling well (that's why I was naughty and didn't blog). He came home from work and I was cranky. It started when my ironing board broke (Max tried to surf on it... Max won). Something silly, but actually very annoying when you are trying to iron. In comes my prince charming, my knight and shining save-me-from-myself armor. He hugged me, massaged my shoulders and brought me slowly to my center. We had a chat and I felt better. I thanked him, he was acting in love.

My husband isn't overly lovey-dovey, but that's not to be confused with not being complimentary. When I am feeling low about my post five pregnancies body, he is always there to pick me up. When I didn't think I was capable, he made me feel beautiful. It's easy to throw a women a line, it's harder to make her believe it.  That is where the work comes in, the action of making her believe what you say.

People say it's the little things that matter, I agree. It's finding my phone on my charger when it was dead and I was too busy to put it there. Bringing home my favorite treat, taking a walk around the neighborhood, listening to my silly stories, stopping so I can photograph something, welcoming my family with open arms when they visit, helping me put the kids to bed, always kissing me good-bye in the morning, sleeping on the couch-bed in the hospital for days in a row so I wouldn't be alone when I was on bed-rest. It's taking the boys for haircuts tonight and encouraging me to take some time and go for a bike ride.  

My husband doesn't just do these things for me, but also our kids. When I was working my trade show in August, he piled them all in the car to go school shopping because Old Navy was having a one day jean sale.  He recently surprised Saxton with a case for her tablet that she'd been asking for. (It was so cute seeing her open the mail box and smile all the way home with her prize.) A rose on a special day or grapes for lunch because he knows they like them. He was the one last year who woke up Sage early every Tuesday and Friday for band and drove Saxton this morning for her band try-outs. Not because I won't, he's just being helpful. It's going to Wild Waves or the fair on his one weekend day off instead of watching baseball or football. It's the little things after all.

I am blessed with my husband and the fact that he chooses daily to do big and sometimes little acts of love.  Even if it is just bringing home my favorite Coffee-mate creamer just before I run out, it's still appreciated. 

I love you honey! Thanks for all you do!!!

Sunflower for my sister

A sunflower for my sister.

I photographed this sunflower today with my sister in my heart and on my mind.  She's going through hell right now, so it's important that she knows that I'm here, her big sister has her back.  

A sunflower is special in that it can grow almost anywhere, under all kinds of conditions.  In tough situations it blooms beautifully, withstands the rain, then opens it's face and welcomes the sun.  

My sister, you're amazing and resilient, this too shall pass and I have faith in you.  I love you to the moon and stars and back.  

  

Something's just can't be rebuilt.

Something's just can't be rebuilt.  This might sound negative, but it's the conclusion I've come to after dealing with everything that's been rattling around in my brain the last few days. Someone commented on my post showing the destruction in Colorado, they pointed out the fact that they'll rebuild the road to Estes and life will go on.  While the point is valid, it just doesn't take into consideration all the damage done in the meantime, the homes lost, the landscape that's been changed and what's happened to innocent people's lives.  All of that can't be perfectly rebuilt.  Something's will never be able to be the same.  

Today I was looking at old pictures, which is always very bittersweet and emotional.  I came across some of the kids at Estes Park (and the morning before we left) when we took my sister, niece and the kid's grandpa who were visting.  The kids all looked so little and unassuming.  Little did they know what was ahead of them, how their life as they've known it would be gone in one fail swoop of a signature on separation papers. A moment of calm before the storm.  

Yes, they'll rebuild, but in a different way.  Hopefully they will take into consideration what has taken place and how they can try to prevent the same thing from happening again.  There will be new homes, new memories made.  However the old ones will still linger, in  photographs and stories, hopefully preventing all the destruction that took place from truly taking everything.