A secret between sisters.

H a P p Y   B i R t H d A y   Kathleen!!!

September 24, 2009 Las Vegas Birthday Trip!  

September 25, 2009 Las Vegas!

Four years ago today I was in Vegas with my family celebrating all of our birthdays.  The trip was more than that though.  An hour before I flew from Denver  (I was living in Colorado at the time) to Nevada, my Ex flew to California.  His choice forever changed the fate of our family.  I was an emotional wreck when I landed in Vegas  (September had been a long emotionally and physically draining month.  I lost over ten pounds in three weeks), so by the time I arrived at our hotel I was literally shaking.  Somehow I knew that day, that my life would never be the same.    

I remember walking through the lobby of the Venetian and looking around for my sister Kathleen who had come down from my parent's room to get me.  When we saw one another, we literally ran and jumped in each-other's arms, laughing, crying and hugging.  It's one of those moments I will never forget.  I was finally safe in loving arms and you have no idea how good that felt.  It was raw love.  A few hours later, at exactly midnight, we rang in Kathleen's 29th birthday.  Needless to say, we had a blast!  

Throughout the years my sister Kathleen has walked by my side through many of my life changing paths.  Either there in person or in spirit, I have always been able to count on her.  She, like all my siblings, is my best friend.  Ironically, she is the reason that I am with my husband.  She was there the night we met and actually encouraged him to sit down by us.  Little did we know, how she had just had a hand in aligning the stars.

Kathleen I love you.  I love you in the purest form of the word.  We understand and feel each other's emotions in almost an indescribable way.  God had a plan in giving us one another and I am grateful for you every second of every day.

Happy Birthday Dear Sister!  I love you and hope all your dreams come true!

December 31, 2008 in Estes Park, Colorado

Side Note:  I love this picture.  It was taken while I was still living in Colorado.  We had come up on New Year's Eve to go sledding in Rocky Mountain National Park.  It was a very fun day!  We were wet and cold, but happy when we stopped in Estes Park to get some warm comfort food.  This pictures us in our own little world, almost like we were young children again, sharing a secret between us.  

Something's just can't be rebuilt.

Something's just can't be rebuilt.  This might sound negative, but it's the conclusion I've come to after dealing with everything that's been rattling around in my brain the last few days. Someone commented on my post showing the destruction in Colorado, they pointed out the fact that they'll rebuild the road to Estes and life will go on.  While the point is valid, it just doesn't take into consideration all the damage done in the meantime, the homes lost, the landscape that's been changed and what's happened to innocent people's lives.  All of that can't be perfectly rebuilt.  Something's will never be able to be the same.  

Today I was looking at old pictures, which is always very bittersweet and emotional.  I came across some of the kids at Estes Park (and the morning before we left) when we took my sister, niece and the kid's grandpa who were visting.  The kids all looked so little and unassuming.  Little did they know what was ahead of them, how their life as they've known it would be gone in one fail swoop of a signature on separation papers. A moment of calm before the storm.  

Yes, they'll rebuild, but in a different way.  Hopefully they will take into consideration what has taken place and how they can try to prevent the same thing from happening again.  There will be new homes, new memories made.  However the old ones will still linger, in  photographs and stories, hopefully preventing all the destruction that took place from truly taking everything. 

Thoughts on Estes Park and The Big Thompson River in Colorado.

These Pictures were taken by Either me (upper left) or the kids in 2003.

I first fell in love with Estes Park and the Big Thompson River back in September of 2003.  We had decided to drive from Albuquerque, up through Colorado and onto Chicago when Saxton was just six weeks old (you can barely see her where laying on me in bottom right hand picture), Sage was 18 months, Sam three and Savannah was just five.  I remember the drive from Loveland up the canyon like it was yesterday.  The canyon was awesome and years later, in 2006 when we actually moved to Colorado, became one of my favorite parts of the drive up to Estes and on to Rocky Mountain National Park.  I loved the reaction I would get from guests as we entered the mouth of the canyon. As I wrote earlier today as a reaction to a video that showed the flooding on Facebook, "This is normally one of my favorite parts of the drive... Where you just start to enter the mouth of the canyon and are soon sandwiched between two sheer rock walls and the river. I called it God's country and Nature's art the way The Big Thompson river ran through it, strong enough to carve ancient stone."

I took this of the canyon in August of 2009.

I have dozens of pictures of the canyon, the river and Estes Park, unfortunately some were lost in the divorce and many are on my old computer that is still packed from the move.  I am hoping to find some of them to share, but in the mean time I wanted to take this opportunity to share my love and sadness for what I have seen over the past two days and the effects of the flooding on several of the rivers in Colorado.  I have driven along all of them, camped by them, swam in them with my kids, hiked and photographed them.  I saw my first ram on the cliff edges of The Big Thompson and found peace driving through the canyons the river wove it's way through.

Enjoying ice cream in Estes Park

My sister Kathleen was with us and we actually decided after falling in love with Rocky Mountain National Park and Estes Park to hold off leaving for Chicago for another day.  After finding a cabin right on the river, we ventured back into Estes Park to look around.  The small mountain town is quaint, the people friendly and the environment gives you the feeling of something out of a movie scene when you walk along the shops on main street.  I was in Love.  Later that second day, my sister and I and the kids (my Ex was golfing) spent the afternoon laying by The Big Thompson.  The sun was out and the nearby mountains and the sound of the river provided an unforgettable backdrop. I remember little Saxton sleeping on my chest, my sister there to keep me company and the little ones playing nearby.  Truly heaven on earth.

We take for granted that certain places will always be there.  While we appreciate them, fall in love with them, we don't often think that a beloved park, river, scenic byway or mountainside might not always be there for our enjoyment, that memories can literally be washed away. Or that mother nature might turn something from beautiful to deadly in a matter of hours.  It all just speaks to the fact that we truly do have to live in the present, appreciate beauty in the moment and respect the laws of nature first and foremost.  I am still in shock and truly heartbroken at seeing towns I love, a state I will always claim as one of my homes, in such disastrous conditions.  My prayers and thoughts go out to all those affected and my doors are open to anyone in need of a place to stay.  

This blog is dedicated to my friends in Colorado, who no matter what, were always there for me and whatever they need, I will be there for them.

I took this of Saxton and Sage strolling down the main street in Estes Park, Colorado 2006.