Beautifully Sad Secrets

What is the conversation between two broken souls?

Even if we heard every word,

the meaning would still be illusive.*

I have been missing from writing, but not do to lack of life moments.  When I fall off the writing wagon I get frustrated with myself.  Especially when things are happening that I want to hold onto with words.  Since I last wrote, my husband and I shared a quiet, yet sweet Christmas Eve with family and friends and our littlest Max.  Christmas morning was bittersweet because it lacked our five oldest, yet was filled with the magic of Santa Claus.  Max didn't quite understand at first that all the presents were his, and insisted on distributing them to his siblings and us.  This warmed our hearts that he wanted to do such a thing.  My husband and I stole away Christmas night to Vegas for a few days, putting Christmas on hold until the twenty ninth when we were able to have all six of our babies under one roof.   The "quiet" time together was wonderful. 

Wild Waves December 30th 2013

The visit with all of the littles was like medicine to the soul.  The ability to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight was probably my favorite of all.  It allowed me to quietly let them know how very much they mean to me and how desperately I miss them when they are gone.  We had a blast at Wild Waves, our New Year's Eve Blast and in Seattle (a few times).  Just hearing all their voices through the house was like heaven.  I was blessed by mother nature and was able to keep Savannah and Sam three extra days.  We took advantage of this (and grandma and papa's kindness to keep Max) and took another day trip into the city.  I called it a photography adventure, where I captured my two oldest at a variety of locations.  At the end of the day we got caught in a monsoon and as we ran through the rain, I'm sure all of Seattle could hear us laughing and screaming.  I loved it.

Just before we went home, we stopped at a pier and I captured a few more photos.  They are of Savannah, the city and the waterfront.  Seattle has won my heart and become the home I have searched much of my life for.  To capture my first born in my beloved hometown was priceless.

*I love the picture of Savannah and Sam under the umbrella.  It portrays my life perfectly.  The umbrella is in focus and represents the happiness in my life that I share openly... my babies, my husband, my family and friends, my wonderful home and my beloved Seahawks (who won the Super Bowl in case you didn't know.) However the unfocused portion is how my quote under the photograph came to me while looking at it for the first time.  It might be a photo you'd erase because it's out of focus, but it's meant to be that way.  We're not meant to see the emotion, hear the conversation that is going on.  The nighttime tears that are shed and the desperate truths that are told.  It's a secret that is carried by those who have felt true heartache and even truer love.  I've poured out my heart here many times trying to express the feeling of being away from my babies, but ultimately it is so deep, so intense, so personal, that I'll never be able to clearly explain it.  And maybe that's okay, maybe that's the way it's meant to be.

Between the Raindrops

Between the Raindrops

My sister Colleen actually had this as her wedding song and we were listening it on the way home from Seattle tonight.  Considering the weather the last few days and my feelings as I write this blog, I felt this title was appropriate.  

If you consider the symbolism of moving "between the raindrops" that is how I have felt these last few days and hours of having my four oldest together.  It went way to fast and almost as if it was just a  moment.  The last three summers I have been blessed to have more time, but it just wasn't in the cards this summer.  Unfortunately I had less than a week and for that I am truly sorry.  However, I did my best to enjoy the time and have a couple of days (Sunday and today) where we spent most of the day out and about.  

The other symbolism behind this song is that the last two days we had raindrop moments.  Yesterday it started to just downpour.  Savannah was so funny, not quite used to our swift moving torrential coastal rains.  At one point Savannah, Max and I were running around in the rain and then all stood under an umbrella.  We just stayed there in the curb letting the rain run between our toes, every once in a while Max would puddle jump and even chased his sister around the cul-de-sac.  I loved it.  Stopping time for the rain.

Today, after a bit of a late start, we headed to Seattle to the Pacific Science Center.  After finding parking a few blocks away we walked through a few parks and by the city park water fountain.  Although we had a fun day enjoying the laser show, an IMax movie about planes and just playing around; one of the kids favorite things was the fountain. No matter the weather, we enjoyed it both on the way to and from the PSC.  However on the way out, we stayed for awhile and even as the rain came down I had fun just photographing my littles enjoying themselves, playing and running "between the raindrops."  Life is crazy, busy and full of just doing, but as I heard somewhere, you also have to just be.  I feel like this week happily I was given a few of these moments, including the one that Jerry photographed. Nonetheless, it's only appropriate that we are all a bit wet in the picture that he took, because sadly as we know, eventually luck and time run out and the rain finally reaches us.    

  

Change of Perspective

I have been fortunate enough to have traveled through and physically touched 49 of our 50 states.  (I still need Alaska.)  Each and every state has it's own culture, character and soul.  I have actually traveled through each of these states, driving from Albuquerque to Maine, Albuquerque to FL, CO to California, Colorado to WA, Back and forth from NM & CO to the Midwest.  I drove from Indianapolis to Kiawah Island, South Carolina by myself when I was 20.  I took a train by myself (when I was barely 20) from OR to Indiana, sleeping in coach or on the floor of the caboose.  I have driven from OR to CA to NV to AZ to UT to WY to MT to ID and back to OR in a week, all on little to no sleep.


I have canoed/camped in the Boundary waters of Minnesota, woke up to Elk outside my tent in Rocky Mountain National Park and walked around an island while camping in Orcas Island in Washington.  I have driven through the night while crossing our great country, dealt with temperatures ranging from 110 + in AZ, to  -30 when moving here and driving through MT.  I drove from Bloomington, IN to Memphis with my best friend to visit Elvis' house and from IN to WI to live for the summer.  From IN to GA to visit the south.  I have driven solo, with family and with friends.



My four oldest babies have driven literally thousands of miles and have been to over 30 states while traveling with me on many of these journeys.  Starting with Savannah driving from IN to CO when she was just six weeks old.  Saxton also started young traveling at three weeks from NM to AZ and then also at six weeks from NM to IN via CO.  I have even crossed the Canadian border at the Niagara Falls and from AZ and later CA into Mexico.  In 2005 I was in the ocean in Maine and then in California, opposite coasts, all in the same month, while living in New Mexico.    



These are just a sample of my long and sometimes short trips across our great country.  We are blessed to have just about every kind of landscape, from mountains to prairies, rocky coastlines to those laid out like glass.  Each and every state has offered me some sort of perspective, a different way of viewing life.  I have experienced the poorest of cities while helping in West Virginia with Habitat for Humanity, to the wealthiest while working in Los Angeles and visiting NYC.  I have enjoyed Sunrises on the East Coast, to Sunsets on the west, sometimes alone and sometimes with someone I love.




I have now found my home to be a town just south of Seattle, over two thousand miles from my hometown in Indiana.  My heart is content here, my soul finally finding some peace.  One of my favorite places to visit, Pike Place Market, has a personality all its own and is one of my favorite spots to photograph.


The Market has taught me that you don't always have to travel far to discover something new, that even a place you have frequented many times can still show you a fresh point of view, but only if you are able to change your perspective.

Side Note:  These are all my photographs at different perspectives and during different visits to Pike Place Market in Seattle Washington.