Life isn't always how you perceive it.

Life isn't how you perceive it.

A puddle formed by the rain in a muddy field can allow for a perfect reflection of a gorgeous sunset.  

A walk and a three year old's bike ride can turn into a photo shoot.

All of the ugliness can be tossed aside allowing only the perfection of nature's art to remain.  

 

After all, If I can teach my children anything, it is to see beauty in even the muddiest of situations.

Our little, big Max.

Whoever knew the nearly proper pronounciation of the word elephant would make the kids and I so sad today. Max can say "el-phant" versus "ela-fa-nent." He even properly said truck... versus the explicative version he's only ever said before.  As the kids quizzed him on other words, we all realized that our little Max is growing up. 

Today I signed him up for big boy swim lessons.  After almost three years of parent child classes I'm sad to be seeing my little guy moving on.  But he was ready, proudly swimming the whole length of the pool by himself last Wednesday, with only the aid of a puddle hopper.  Way to go Max!

Tonight after soccer, Sage was telling me how she was sad about her baby brother becoming a big boy.  When we arrived home, she raced upstairs to see if he was awake.  He was in bed, but not sleeping, so she snuck in his room.  We could hear the two of them giggling, sharing little secrets all their own.   

A little later, after she headed to bed and he called for me, I had my own snuggle time.  I rocked and sang him a few lullabies, including "sister Savannah's song." Yes, he might be growing up, but like his older siblings, he'll always be my baby. 

Good-night to all my babies.  I love you to the moon and stars and back.  

I heart Twilight

A button says a thousand words.  

Tonight when I was getting out of my car, there on the dashboard was this button.  It had literally appeared out of thin air and I hadn't seen it since Savannah, Sam, Max and I took our super long day trip this summer up to the isolated city of Forks, Washington.  For those of you who don't know, Forks is the backdrop for the Twilight series.  We had decided late on a Sunday night to head out early the next day to Forks, a trip prompted by Sam's desire to see Vampires.  This button is the second sign in two days.  You might laugh and say I could seek out signs all day long and that's true.  However the difference is, these have sought out me.  I don't think they are coincidences, these signs.  Instead they are little gifts to get me through the days until I can see my two oldest babies again.  

 

My little ladybug

My little lady bug…

This afternoon, I was cleaning, taking the recycling out, rushing about my day, when out of the blue, a little lady bug landed on my arm.  It stayed there for just a moment, an unspoken message.

My Savannah and I were on the phone a few days ago and she told me about a ladybug that had made it all the way up into her room.  I laughed and told her that I had sent it, my love had found her.  

So you see, today when I saw my own little visitor

gently landing on my sleeve, I knew she had sent it in return.

Love is amazing.  No matter the distance, the circumstances, no matter what, true love, a mother's love, knows no bounds.  

I love you sweet girl, to the moon and stars, moon and stars and back.

Below is an excerpt from the book Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You 

by Nancy Tillman

And if someday you're lonely, 

or someday you're sad, 

or you strike out at baseball, 

or think you've been bad...

just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.

That's me, my sweet baby, my love is right there.

In the green of the grass...in the smell of the sea...

in the clouds floating by...at the top of a tree...

in the sound crickets make at the end of the day...

"You are loved.  You are loved.  You are loved," they all say.

My green children

Life in a bottle:

These two bottles contain trimmings from two of my daughter's birth plants.  I know this sounds strange, but one is from when Savannah was born.  We got it when we lived in our apartment in Bloomingdale, a suburb just outside of Chicago.  The other is from a plant left on our apartment doorstep in Albuquerque.  A neighbor left it without a note, when I was in the PICU with Sage when she was just a week old.  

I have become attached to these and others that I call the kid's "birth plants."  To me, they're priceless.  I was heartbroken to hear that Sam's giant plant, which I had to leave when I moved here, was gone.  I had grown that from a little planter I received from my biological father when Sam was born.  He never sent flowers, said they didn't last long and instead sent potted arrangements containing "baby sprouts."  I loved them and grew many of them into large, beautiful "adults."

My little Sam felt bad that I was saddened about the loss of his plant, so when we were at Home Depot this summer, him and I picked out a new one. It's not the same, but it still makes me smile and think if him when I look at it everyday.

Savannah and I also planted this summer. I guess she's inherited the urge to nurture and grow beauty as well.    I laughed as she planned our poses for a picture she wanted of us together gardening, soil, gloves and all.  

It's funny, I didn't realize until now how my father set a precident with me and my green children.  I have told my husband countless times that I prefer plants to cut flowers.  I guess over the years, I have seen too much beauty die or get tossed onto the trash.  To me, each plant has instead become a symbol of helping something flourish and grow. 

Throwback to Seahawks Day!

If our lives are rated by the accumulation of memories, then I am blessed that you will forever grace mine.  When my mind clouds over, the thought of your sunshine smile makes all things right.  

One of my favorite memories was brought back today when Savannah sent me a picture from summer.  We were at the Seahawk's Richard Sherman's celebrity softball game.  It was Jerry's birthday and my little Savannah and I, as a present, worked as a team to get autograph's for his hat.  During our mission, we often had to share a single seat (the security guy gave us funny looks as she plopped down in my lap when he made us sit down during the game.) With her Savannah Sunshine smile and dodging the grumpy security guy, she managed to get over a half dozen autographs for him and Russell Wilson's for me.  Kam Chancellor was also a big help!  He passed the hat around. A truly awesome day!

Our son Max, two at the time, is wearing the beloved hat.  My other son Sam is wearing my beloved signed Jersey.

The picture posted below was one of several she insisted on taking of us.  I wasn't a fan of all the retakes, but she reminded me that one day I'd be glad she insisted on them.  Today is that day.  

I love you sweet girl to the moon and stars and back.  I miss you and wish you were here. 

Healing "bruises" while in New Mexico.

"These bruises 

Makes for better conversation 

Loses the vibe that separates 

It's good to let you in again 

You're not alone in how you've been 

Everybody loses-we all got bruises..." 

-Train-

The funny thing is that I had wrongfully presumed that while I was here in New Mexico I would have the opportunity to blog more.  However, while I've been here since last Thursday, it's just been one of those crazy busy trips that seem to stretch time, but steal it at the same instance.  Tomorrow I head back home and I am very excited to see my littles as well as my honey-bee.  He has been a rock star while I have been away juggling work and the girls.  I have also had some very appreciated help from my neighbors and our beloved baby-sitter Kate, today she is even taking them to the movies. Thank you all!

This trip has been a much appreciated opportunity to see my family and friends, as well as work, show Max the Balloons and hike A LOT!  My parents and I have taken several hikes and walks since I have been here (we're supposed to go on my seventh hike/walk in a little while.)  They live just a mile or two from some awesome trailheads that lead up to the Sandia Mountain foothills.  Max has been my little co-hiker and rides in a pack on my back.  I have loved it and the one on one time with both my mom and dad, a very special and unusual treat!  Last Saturday we found a new trail and on Tuesday we hiked even further and found some really cool rock formations.  The whole experience of seeing the mountain and lush landscape in a new perspective, gave us the illusion that we were in a whole new country.

Balloon Fiesta on Saturday morning with my momma and sister Elizabeth

Finally just about done!

Max helping my mom spread rock.

Monday I painted up in Santa Fe at my parents office (which is actually a home) and Wednesday we decided to work on their backyard.  My mom and I laughed nervously as a huge dump truck showed up to deliver EIGHT TONS of rock.  As I began to shovel it over the wall into wheel barrows for my parents to spread around the back of the yard, I decided to challenge myself and see how much of the rock I could do myself.  There was something so therapeutic about the manual labor of it and how it just took about everything I had to complete the task.  My parents did come in and help with the last ton and a half, but I was still really proud for doing most of the shoveling myself.  At one point during the day I thought to myself that this seemed like some sort of "physical work" retreat to gain serenity in both body and mind.

It has also felt good to see some of my people and have some long, deep conversations about life, love and future pursuits.  Sunday, I had a bittersweet blast with my dad at The Fox and The Hound.  While the Seahawks lost a heartbreaker, him and I had an awesome time together, enjoying some very rare one-on-one time.  Elizabeth and the girls and my mom and Max met up with us late in the second half and consoled me on my team's loss.  Then Max and I headed to my good friend Becky and Tushar's house to hang out and allow their three year old son TJ and Max to play.  They were so cute and became friends instantly, jumping in TJ's little motorized vehicles and laughing as they rode around the yard.  We spent the night and were treated an awesome dinner and conversation.  (Thank you for your encouragement in my future personal endeavors... I'll keep you posted!)

At Balloon Fiesta Today!

 

My sister Kathleen got back in town Monday (we've been together every night this week) and spent the night Wednesday.  We both woke up in the middle of the night and stayed up for over three hours talking.  It was nice to lay in bed and discuss the secrets of our hearts in the dark.  I loved having the opportunity to have a sleep-over with both her and Elizabeth while I was here.  (Sort of Colleen too, but she is in the next room with her hubby!)  My sisters are my best friends and my loves.  Last night Colleen and Jed got in town just in time to eat dinner and I was as happy as a clam sitting between her and Kathleen while we ate.


My family and friends are very important to me and I am blessed to have them in my life.  While I was writing this blog, I heard Train's song, Bruises.  The lyrics spoke to me as I wrote about this trip and called to mind how I do have "bruises," but I am lucky to have people in my life who know of them, have experienced them with me and have only the intention of helping me fix them.  No matter if it was hiking, painting, talking, shoveling or watching balloons, all the events of this week have helped to open my mind and bring peace to my heart.  We all do have bruises and while it's therapeutic to discuss them, it's also just as important to let them them go.  Thank you to my family and friends (my people) for helping me on my journey to continue to do so.  

Side Note:  I have officially hit over 20,000 hits on my blog... Thank you so much to all my readers!  You all keep my dream of writing alive!